Link in Lorule
by Yoshia
Summary: Link goes beyond the Lost Woods, but ends up in a world far different from Termina. Mistaken identities abound in this twisted version of Hyrule. Rated T just to be safe.
1. Visions

Note: This fic is based heavily on Ocarina of Time. If you haven't played the game, you may get easily lost. I warned you.

2nd Note: I would like to thank the following people for the following contributions to this whole fic: Mariogal, for the ideas of Lorule and Linda and many of the jokes; Winged Knight, for suggestions, ideas, and support; and Kitaiko, for pre-reading this revised version.

3rd Note: Strangeness and OOC-ness ahead. Randomness is here too... bring a helmet.

Disclaimer: Throughout the course of this fic, I have not and will not have EVER acquired the rights to the Legend of Zelda. Only the videogames, which were purchased from Nintendo, the true owners of the series, are in my possession. I also do not own Pokemon, no matter how much I torture a specific one.

**Link in Lorule – Prologue**

_By Yoshi6421_

Hyrule was (and still is) a beautiful, peaceful country. After Link had defeated Ganondorf, he had returned to life as usual... if you can call the events of Majora's Mask usual. Upon defeating Majora as Fierce Diety and consequently saving Termina, Link found Navi and returned home with her ("home" being his treehouse in Kokiri Forest). Life took another strange twist when, while riding Epona, Link happened upon another orphan like himself. Being the kind hero he is, he decided to take the child in like a younger brother. Eventually the youth came to be named Young Link.

Let's return to present-day. Link is eighteen, Young Link is ten. Hyrule has not had a hint of trouble ever since Ganondorf had been sealed away by the sages. Nevertheless, Princess Zelda likes to exercise her royal powers and summon the teenage Hero of Time for any reason at all. This is where my story begins...

- - -

**Chapter 1 – Visions**

It is a typical day in Hyrule. No cloud in the sky, no evil dictators out to overtake the country, no crazed zombies trying to consume brains. Nothing seems out of the ordinary to Link. That is why he is sleeping like a rock. Of course, Princess Zelda has other plans.

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!!!" Her voice carries clearly across all of Hyrule, and perhaps beyond. The subject of her call rolls over on his bed.

"Coming, Princess," he mumbles automatically. A few seconds pass before the Hero of Time begins snoring softly. Zelda yells a second time, then shrieks. A miniature replica of Link wanders downstairs, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He had been abruptly awakened by the incessant calling.

A/N: Forgot to mention in the prologue, Link had remodeled his house to accommodate another person. Young Link's room is upstairs while Link stays in the original room, downstairs.

"Dad?" he calls softly as he pads toward Link's bed. "Dad, Zelda's really mad. I think you should go."

"Not now, Junior," Link responds slowly, using the nickname he gave the youngster around the same time he was nicknamed "Dad."

"Link!! I'M IN MORTAL DANGER!!!" the high-pitched voice cries, causing Link to sit up abruptly. Then, just as suddenly, he flops over and closes his eyes.

"I don't think some missing mascara is mortally dangerous, Princess," he mumbles to nobody in particular.

"But Dad, what if she IS in danger?" Young Link asks with concern.

"She's not, trust me."

"But Dad, what if it's an emergency?"

"It's not. Now let me go to sleep."

"But Dad-"

Link has had enough of the little kid's whining. "Shut up, Junior!"

Young Link's eyes begin to water and his lower lip quivers. "Dad..."

"Oh, fine! You win." Link gets up, grumbling about how perfect the day was without Zelda. He exits Kokiri Forest and plays Epona's Song, summoning the chestnut mare. "Let's go see what Miss Royal Pain wants today." Over at Hyrule Castle, Link makes his way over to the guard that watches the first gate.

"There you are, idiot. I almost thought you wouldn't come," the guard comments.

"IDIOT?!"

"Yeah, moron. You've been coming here for the past eight years every time Zelda calls. Each time you find that it's for nothing. I thought someone as bright as you would have noticed a pattern by now."

"Just let me in," Link mutters. He HAD seen the pattern. The problem is, if he doesn't respond, the princess will send an army to drag him in. Link finds his way to the throne room by heart, finding Zelda on the throne, drumming her fingers impatiently.

"Where have you been?!" she demands as soon as she sees the source of her anger coming around the corner.

Link shrugs. "Asleep."

"Asleep? At this time of day?"

"Well, there WAS that midnight rescue of the lipstick that fell under your bed..."

"So?"

Link sighed in frustration. "Look, heroes have sleep requirements too, you know."

"Who cares? Anyway, I have called you here because I had a vision last night."

"Yeah right. I remember the last time you had a 'vision'..."

-Flashback!-

Several weeks ago, Link dashed into the throne room. "Where's the fire?!"

"Link, I had a vision," Zelda began calmly.

Sensing that something bad was going to happen, Link faked enthusiasm. "Really? What did you see? Tell me, oh great princess!"

"I envisioned that we got married!"

"Zelda," Link said deadpan. "That's not a vision. That's a nightmare."

"Oh. I thought it was a dream come true!"

Slowly, Link began to back away from the starry-eyed monarch.

-End Flashback-

Zelda contemplates the memory a little. "I still think that was a vision."

"Just get on with it!" Link yells impatiently. "I don't have all day, especially since Hyrule's days are short enough as they are!"

The princess glares at him, then recounts her vision. "I saw dark clouds going beyond the Lost Woods, but they weren't going to Termina. I bet the clouds represent Ganondorf."

Link stares at her incredulously. "Ganondorf?! But he's sealed up, right?"

Zelda gulps nervously. "Something kinda happened..."

-Flashback!-

Ganondorf sat within a small, cramped cell. Yes, that was where they sealed him. He looked out beyond the multi-colored seal maintained by the sages, plotting how to escape. Finally, he gets a brilliant idea. Scooting as close as he dared to the seal, Ganondorf called out to a certain fat buffoon. "Hey, Rauru! Come here!"

"What do you want now?" The Sage of Light turned around, holding an enormous Big Mac.

"How about we play Poker? Let's say, twenty rounds? If I win, I get to go free. If you sages win, I'll treat everyone to dinner. How about it?" Ganondorf couldn't help but smile at the clever plan.

Rauru chewed on his burger thoughtfully. "Hmm, sounds good. But let me add to that. If we win, you'll serve us all a gourmet dinner and have the best of manners!" He began drooling at the thought of more food.

Ganondorf smiled wickedly. "You're on!"

An hour later (Darunia was a little late in coming), all of the sages, including Zelda, were sitting about a round table. Ganondorf was finally allowed out of his cell, but now he was bound to his chair by the rainbow force. Hours passed, and the twentieth round began. Ganondorf and Zelda were tied for first place. Suddenly, the King of Evil threw down his cards.

"Royal Flush! I win!" He announced with the biggest of smiles plastered on his face.

Saria looked up from her cards. "How?"

"This must be a trick!" Nabooru shouted. She pointed an accusing finger at Ganondorf. "YOU were never good at card games!!"

Darunia simply stared at his hand. "I still don't understand this game..."

Ganondorf tried to stand up, but got reminded of the seal binding him to the seat. "Hey! Remember the deal, Sages? Get this blasted thing off!"

All of the sages removed the seal, except for one. A blue ring still surrounded the prisoner. Everyone turned to see Ruto staring into space.

Impa nudged her. "Hey, he won."

"Huh?" Ruto broke out of her reverie. "Who won? What happened?"

Impa gestured toward the angry wizard. "He won. Take the seal off."

Ruto shrugged. "As long as he doesn't freeze Zora's Domain anymore." She released him, then returned to dreaming of Link.

Ganondorf jumped up, still smiling. "See you, suckers!" He disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Almost all of the sages turned toward the one person who started it all. "Rauru..."

-End Flashback-

Link slowly recovers from his shock. Ganondorf is free? But how-? "You know, it's partly your fault."

"What?! I was about to beat him!" Zelda yells, almost jumping out of her seat to strangle him.

"But you played too." For fun, Link steps forward and taps Zelda's hand. "Your Triforce of Wisdom isn't really working, huh?"

Zelda begins to form a comeback, but thinks better of it. "Link, there is no time to lose. You need to go beyond the Lost Woods."

Link shakes his head. "No can do."

"Why not?"

"Look, I've been past the Lost Woods before, and found Termina. That's all there is to find there. You said that in your vision the clouds went somewhere other than Termina. Also, now that Ganondorf's gone, why worry? He can go bother some other chosen hero." Thinking that his statements end the conversation, Link turns about and heads back the way he came.

Zelda leaps off her chair and slides in front of Link. "Ganondorf could come back with an enslaved army that's bigger than mine!"

Link shrugs nonchalantly. "You think I care?"

Zelda glares at him, then thinks of something. "I order you to go beyond the Lost Woods. I'm the princess, I can force you to." Her eyes dare him to try countering that.

"I'm the Hero of Time, I don't have to listen to you," he responds immediately.

"Hey! You shouldn't take advantage of your title!"

"Look who's talking." Link knows what he is doing. He has done this countless times before. It seems he is the only one that Zelda allows to backtalk her.

"Why you..." Zelda, in her extreme anger, transforms into Sheik. Link quickly runs out of there before he can be severely beaten. Sheik glances about the room, wondering what to release her pent-up anger on. She spots a wandering Pikachu. "This will be fun."

Outside of the marketplace, Link spots Epona faithfully waiting for him. "I guess I'm going after all, huh girl?" He pats her mane, then rides her to Kokiri Forest where he gathers all of the equipment he needs into his magical, invisible Hylian pouch. After saying good-bye to Young Link, the teenager enters the Lost Woods on horseback. Hours of endless wandering later, Link is back where he started- the entrance. He throws up his hands in frustration. "I give up!"

Suddenly, Epona pricks her ears up. There is a faint sound coming from somewhere. It is calling her... she surges ahead, Link nearly falling off the saddle. She has to reach the sound! Ever faster Epona races in and out of the trees, not knowing where she is headed. She breaks away from the trees, sunlight bathing both her and her rider. Epona stops, something's not right.

"What the heck were you doing, Epona?!" Link yells. "You nearly-" He becomes aware of his surroundings. Link looks about himself and sees...

- - -

End of chapter! I end with a Pikachu Death Count. Currently, the PDC is 1.


	2. A New Land

Disclaimer: See Ch1.

**Chapter 2 – A New Land**

...Hyrule Field. Epona has run out of Kokiri Forest during her mad dash, and now they are in the middle of the same place they had just left. That is the conclusion Link reaches as he surveys the very familiar surroundings.

"Well, we're back where we started. Again. I'm getting tired of this, aren't you, Epona?"

Epona neighs in agreement.

"Tell you what. Let's get you back to Malon. I'm going to head over to Zelda's place to tell her just how much her 'vision' stinks." Link guides Epona into a trot, circumventing the ranch which sits in the middle of the field. Upon sighting the entrance, Link finds something peculiar.

A person dressed in a green Kokiri tunic not unlike Link's is sitting upon a white horse. He or she looks much older than what a typical Kokiri is supposed to be. The stranger looks about, spots Link, then gallops away on the horse.

Link considers what happened out loud. "Who was he? Maybe Malon knows, since that must be one of her horses, but I don't recall that one. Maybe it's a new one." He nudges Epona into a trot again, going into LonLon Ranch. He leaves the mare in the corral and searches for Malon. Suddenly, she jumps directly in front of him.

"Give back Tipona!" She demands. "I know you took him! Give him back!"

"Who?" Link is immediately confused. He's never heard of any living thing named "Tipona."

"Don't play dumb! I _saw_ you take him, thief!" Malon has never been this mad before, as far as Link could remember.

"Look, I have no idea what you're talking about! I didn't steal anything!"

Malon glares at him for a second, then her eyes widen slightly. "You're not a girl, are you?"

Link couldn't believe his ears. "What makes you think I'm a girl! I thought you knew me better than that!"

She looks him up and down, obviously not believing what he's saying. "Prove it."

"How?"

Without a moment's hesitation, the redhead swipes Link's hat. It takes her only a second to realize Link isn't who she thinks he is. "Well, you're not her, obviously." She hands Link back the hat without any explanation of her actions, then turns towards Epona. "And who might this mighty fine horse be?"

"Epona?"

Malon walks over to Epona and begins petting the mare. "What a nice-" She bends down and makes a quick check of the horse's underside. "-girl!"

Link suddenly is tackled to the ground from behind. He instinctively rolls onto his back, coming face-to-face with Talon. The crazed man is pinning Link down with one hand while the other holds a pitchfork ready to pierce the heart.

"Whatcha do with Tipona, woman?" Talon demands, looking ready to kill at the slightest provocation.

"WOMAN?" Link yells back, wondering why in the world he is being called something he obviously isn't.

"You don't fool me; I know all about you and your stupid disguise! Give back the horse you stole!"

Malon runs over, worry etching her face. "He's a boy, Talon."

"Eh?"

"Take off his hat."

Talon grumbles something about finally getting revenge, then seizes the hat. Surprised, he mumbles an apology and hands it back to Link. Hefting the pitchfork over his shoulder, Talon goes back to the barn, whistling a happy tune.

Link fixes his hat, then glares at Malon. "What's the matter with your dad?"

"Oh, he's the ranch hand. Ingo's my dad!"

Link almost falls over in surprise. "Who?"

"Ingo!"

"You sure? Positive?"

"Yes, yes!"

"Riiiight." Link still doesn't believe Malon could be Ingo's daughter. They don't even look alike. Then again, she doesn't even look like Talon. "Now, _who_ did you accuse me of being?"

"Some girl who looks exactly like you came in here and stole my favorite horse, Tipona!"

"And that is...?"

"A stallion who... wow, he looks just like _your_ horse except he's white with brown markings. You know, brown blaze, mane, tail, feet..."

"Isn't that the one I saw outside a little while ago?" Link asks while looking back towards the entrance.

"You saw the thief! Which way did she go?"

"Um..." Link tries to remember, but can't. "I don't recall."

Malon shrugs. "Oh well. Thanks for your help anyway." Her eyes light up at a sudden thought. "While you're here..." She heads for a random shed and begins rummaging through it. Link stands there, wondering what she's doing. Eventually Malon finds what she has been looking for: a metal rod twisted into a shape at one end. She heats it over a fire that Link hadn't noticed before.

"Malon, what are you doing?"

"All first-timers to GoGo Ranch gets a complimentary branding!"

"I think I misheard you- a _what_?"

The red-haired girl looks at him very strangely, a manaical smile on her face. "Ya heard me!" For some reason, her voice has taken on a cowgirl accent. "A complimentary _BRANDING!_"

Link wracks his brain, trying to understand exactly what a 'branding' is. He gives up after two seconds. "A what?"

"I'll show ya. The horse goes first!" She holds up the red-hot brand, aiming straight for Epona. The mare, somehow knowing what is to come, shoots down the track which circles the corral. "Hey, come back heah!" Malon shouts as she runs after.

Link watches in absolute, total confusion as Malon chases Epona around and into the corral. The horse darts behind another, which becomes an unfortunate victim of the brand in Malon's hands. Epona gallops behind Link, who watches as the other horse turns around, revealing its second brand... or rather, its first.

"Aww," Malon cooes as she strides towards the cowering mare and her bodyguard. "Isn't that cute? She wants _you_ to go first!"

Link, having seen what the brand can do, steps back nervously. "Malon, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

"I'm gonna _BRAND_ ya!"

Link immediately turns around and is off at the speed of light... or as close to it as a Hylian can get; Epona, not wishing to be left behind with the crazy girl, follows behind. The two reach the marketplace in less than a second. Link pats Epona. "I don't think she'll get you here." He leaves her within the gate, even though in the game you can't. Link strides confidently into the Marketplace. He hears a yell-

"THERE SHE IS!"

-and is attacked by a mob of people, which consists of everyone you usually find there. Sakon, or the guy who's always running about, whacks Link with his sack. A cucco pecks Link while Richard the dog bites a leg. The bearded guy punches Link as hard as he can; the laughing guy continues to laugh, but this time at Link's beating. The beggar is trying to get some money.

"Please, with C, sell me something," he pleads. Noticing that he is being ignored, the beggar declares, "That's it! I've had it with this crowd! I'm going to go to Clock Town and work as a gay banker!"

"Wait!" The guy who is constantly being laughed at pushes through the crowd. "What if she isn't her? I mean, what if she's a he?" In an attempt to demonstrate, the man grabs Link's hat. The crowd gasps in astonishment.

"She never cuts it off..." Honey whispers to Darling in awe.

The old man (the astrologer in Majora's Mask) walks over slowly. "Looks like we made a mistake, mister. We're sorry-" He turns toward the crowd. "-aren't we?"

The mob responds with a resounding "No!" The old man gives them a very scary look. Immediately, they chorus "Yes!"

Link decides that he shouldn't try to figure things out. Zelda will explain it all, hopefully. He takes back his hat, puts it on, hears a scream, and turns to see the little girl who always chases the cucco around. Strangely enough, the bird was chasing the girl.

"Kill the monster, it's gonna eat me! KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!"

Link draws the Master Sword. "Okay..."

A/N: Oh yeah, Link still has the Master Sword and the Ocarina of Time in all of my fics.

He attempts to hit the rampaging chicken, but fatally hits a Pikachu instead. After a few more unsuccessful tries, Link gives up and heads for the castle instead. He stomps over to the guard and glares at him. "Alright, wise guy, open the gate!"

Instead of snapping back, the guard blinks and looks about. "Who said that? You can't go through here!"

Link waves his hands above his head. "Hello, I'm right here, dimwit."

"_WHERE!_"

"Are you blind or something?"

"No I'm not, I just can't see. Wait, am I supposed to tell you that?"

Link's head resumes hurting immensely. "Let me in."

"We're protecting the prince! You can't go in without permission!"

"How can you if you are all _blind_!"

The guard gasps. "How did you know that?"

Link rolls his eyes. '_Hyrule is getting stupider everyday,_" he mumbles.

"You know something?" The guard whispers. "This is the tightest security ever. You can't get to our monarch no matter how hard you try!"

Link pricks up an eyebrow. "Really?" he asks sarcastically. Deciding not to wait for an answer, the Hero of Time searches for the vine that will take him over the gate. It is found on the other side of the road as compared to where it is usually found. The path curves to the right, catching Link off-guard and causing him to slam into a tree in confusion. The sound of glass shattering is clearly heard. "Oh no... Don't tell me..."

"HI, LINK!" A well-known little blue fairy flies out of Link's tiny, magical pouch of items. She rapidly adds, "I still forgive you for trapping me in a bottle for the last eight years! We're still best friends! Aren't you happy!"

"Hysterical," Link responded desolately. He looks up to the heavens. "Why me, goddesses?"

"Yay!" Navi yells happily. "Now we can have lots and lots of fun like before!"

"Navi, have you been at the coffee recently?"

"Uh-huh, it was delicious!"

Link continues towards the castle, attempting to ignore the crazy glowing fairy that is flying around his head in wide circles.

"Look at me! I'm a moon!"

The Hylian easily makes it to the gate, which is lowered. He raises both eyebrows. "Tightest security ever?" He walks into the castle, passing rows of guards who barely blink at him. When there are only a few more halls separating him and the princess, Link breaks into a run. Upon entering the throne room, he skids to a stop and gapes at the figure before him. It is not Zelda. A boy around the princess's age sits on the throne, sleeping.

Navi notices the sleeping person. "Wow! He's asleep! Now I can wake him up!" She flies over to him.

Link, suddenly realizing what his fairy is about to do, whispers loudly, "Navi! Get back here this instant!"

Navi hovers just above the boy's head. "Don't worry, Link, I've got it all under control! This is going to be just like old times!" She announces. Navi takes in a huge gulp of air, then shouts, "HEY! WAKE UP! HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! SAYING THOSE THREE WORDS ARE FUUUUUUN!"

The prince leaps up as if on fire. "I didn't do it!" He glimpses Link in front of him. "Wait, I'm not ready!" He reaches behind his throne, bringing out a sword still in its scabbard. "Oh shoot, let me get this out."

Link watches dumbfounded as the boy attempts to pull out the sword. After a while of pulling and yelling "Just a minute!" the blade comes out. Due to the amount of strength used, it flies out of the prince's hands and becomes imbedded into the wall. He takes another hour or so attempting to pull it out of the wall this time. Link and Navi by then are playing cards.

Navi looks up from her cards. "I'm glad we're playing Go Fish, Link! Got any threes? Huh?"

Link smirks at the three in his hand. "Go Fish."

"Oh no!" Navi somehow picks up another card.

"Got any threes?"

"Wow, you're sooooo smart, Link!"

'_When you've got a hyper fairy, it's easy to cheat_,' Link thinks to himself. He begins wondering how in the world Navi is holding the cards in the first place.

"IMPAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The prince calls. Link turns around to say hi to the Sage of Shadows, but is instead greeted by a Gerudo.

"Holy- What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in the desert?" Link yells as he wonders if he is quickly losing his sanity.

"No, you're referring to the Sheikah," the Gerudo now identified as Impa replies smoothly.

"But don't the Sheikah guard the Royal Family!"

"No, the Gerudo do."

"The Sheikah guard, the Gerudo steal!"

"How dare you insult my race! The Sheikah are the theives!"

Navi, taking this opportunity to introduce herself, flies a few inches in front of Impa's face. "Hi! I'm Navi! Nice to meet you! Why are you a guy? An ugly one at that. You must've had some _ugly_ momma! And who in their right mind would call their son Impa? And another thing-" Before she can finish her rant, Link traps her between his hands.

Impa looks as if he is barely containing his anger. "What... did she say... about my momma?" He asks through gritted teeth.

Quickly, Link tries to come up with a reasonable-sounding explanation other than 'my fairy had too much coffee this morning.' "Uh... you know how fairies are, they never mean what they say. Navi here, she talks without thinking. Just ignore her, she's just a little lightbulb that blinks."

"I'm not a little lightbulb that blinks!" Navi shouts, though her voice is muffled by the hands clamped tightly about her.

"If you two are done arguing... GET MY SWORD OUT OF THE WALL!" The prince, who has been watching the entire conversation, is standing beside the stuck weapon.

"Yes sir." Impa complies, pulling the sword out with barely any effort at all. "Remember your training and all that I have taught you."

"Yeah, whatever." The prince swings his blade a little bit to regain a feel for its weight. "Now I'm ready!"

Link cocks his head slightly to one side. "For what?"

He is answered by a swing that misses him by a hair. Automatically, the green-clad warrior jumps aside.

"Concentrate!" Impa snaps as the prince attempts to regain his bearings.

"This is some kind of joke, right?" Link asks as he dodges another slice. The next stroke comes at him quickly; Link blocks with his shield in the nick of time.

"Wow! A sword fight! Show him how it's done, Link!" Navi cheers from beside Impa.

Without taking his eyes off the prince, Link says, "Navi, I can't fight the prince. I've got manners."

"Oh yeah... who cares? Show him how it's done!"

Link glares at Navi and is about to shout something else when he hears Impa yell, "Thrust! NOW!"

Quickly, our hero hits the floor, and a blade flies over his head where his stomach was a second ago. He sits up, sees another attack coming, and rolls.

"Why don't you hold still, girly! Give me a fight! Or are you too cucco to fight me?" The prince shouts as he misses once again.

"Girly? _Cucco!_ That's it," Link slips out the Master Sword; he is going to end this madness. "If it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get."

"YAY! Link's going to kick his butt!" Navi turns to Impa. "I bet two hundred rupees Link is going to win!"

Impa smirks as he watches the swordfight. "I bet your Link is not going to slay the prince."

"YOU'RE ON!"

The fight is brief. Link rapidly disarms his opponent, flinging the sword to the opposite end of the room. The recent excitement after years of inactivity causes him to hold the tip of his blade centimeters away from the prince's chest, victoriously announcing, "Touche, sire."

Navi looks at Impa. "Hah! Pay up!"

"I betted that Link would not _slay_ the prince. I have won as well. I don't owe you anything."

The prince holds his hands up in defeat. "Okay, you got me. Go ahead and kill me."

"Who said anything about killing you?" Link asks as he moves aside his sword. "I was only having a little fun. Or is that not in your vocabulary, like with Zelda?"

Impa notices a little detail about Link's sword. He has seen something like it before... Impa strides to the prince's side and whispers into his ear. Link wonders what is going on as the young monarch's face brightens. He nods and steps towards Link. "Hey, could I see that really nice sword of yours?" He asks.

Link, mind full of questions, slowly holds out the Master Sword. "Uh, sure."

"Thanks!" Suddenly, the prince snatches the sword and takes off with it.

"Hey! Come back here!" Link turns on a dime and gives chase to the rapidly fleeing figure. Navi follows close behind.

"Woohoo! I loooooove chases, don't you?" She yells excitedly.

"Shut up!" Link catches her in a second bottle while running. He stuffs it into his item bag, hoping to never see it again. Link continues to chase the prince past the gate, into the marketplace, and towards the Temple of Time. The boy slams open the doors and bolts inside. Quickly, Link rushes in as well, only to find...

- - -

Pikachu Death Count: 2


	3. Temple of Destiny

Disclaimer: See Ch1.

**Chapter 3 – Temple of Destiny**

The Temple of Time is exactly as Link remembers it. The high ceiling and tall glass windows allow plenty of light to shine in on the sole figure sitting on a pedestal towards the back. The pedestal is the same one onto which Link places the three spiritual stones in Ocarina of Time. The door behind it is somewhat strange: the symbol on it seems to have flipped horizontally.

The person sitting on the pedestal is an old man wearing a robe of bright yellow. He is bald and very, very skinny. His head rests on his chest; he is sleeping while sitting. Other than the difference in waist size, the gentleman is unmistakeable.

"Rauru?!" Link asks in surprise. He is still standing just inside the door.

At the sound of his name, Rauru looks up. "Who?"

The prince runs straight to the sage. "I found it! I found the Sword of Legend!" He swings his prize triumphantly, showing off.

Rauru tries to get a good look at the blade, but the prince is moving it around too much. "Let me see it." The prince is about to hand it over, when Link snaps out of his shock and dashes over.

"Oh, no you don't!" He tackles the young prince, bringing him down with the Master Sword. The flurry of motion and metal leaves Rauru in a daze. He secretly bets his Sage Insurance on the new Kokiri guy, although he couldn't keep track of whether anybody got hurt. Finally, Link stands up in victory, sword in hand.

"Well," Rauru begins. "I'm sure that teaches you a lesson about stealing legendary artifacts, Prince Zeldon."

Link smiles down at the prince. "Yeah, that oughtta teach you, Prince Zel-" His brain finally registers a difference. "Wait, _Zeldon_?!"

Zeldon stands up from the mini wrestling match, dusting off his clothes. "Yeah, that's my name. Got a problem with it, cucco?"

"Call me 'cucco' one more time and I'll..."

"Enough!" Rauru's voice echoes in the large cathedral-like temple. He points at the young monarch. "Prince Zeldon, do not call people names. And you," he says, moving his finger to Link. "Never threaten the Prince of Lorule."

Link blinks several times, his brain filling with ever more questions. "Of where?"

"You've got hearing problems, country boy? This is Lorule, if you don't happen to know. I'm the Prince of Lorule, Prince Zeldon. Do I have to repeat myself?" Zeldon lectures as if talking to a much younger child.

"Zeldon, get your tail over here _NOW_!" Rauru bellows. The prince scampers over to the sage's side. Rauru closes his eyes in an attempt to control his temper. "Now, what is your name?"

"Link."

Zeldon looks as if he's trying not to laugh. Rauru sees this out of the corner of his eye and pops the young teen up the back of his head.

"Where do you come from?" questions the old sage.

Link is suddenly suspicious. Here he is, in the midst of a new country. Ganondorf could be anywhere, and these people could be his puppets. Link decides that he should not reveal any more information, just in case. "Not telling."

"Hmm, stubborn Kokiri, aren't you? I can tell you're not from around here. You did not know where you are, and the fact that you have the Sword means you are from-" He stops as he stares out of one of the many windows.

"What is it, Rauru?" Zeldon asks in concern.

"More like _who_ is it than what, my prince. I could've sworn I saw someone who looked like Ganondorf followed by two old ladies on brooms!"

Link stares in surprise, then tries to follow the sage's line of view. That sounds like Ganondorf alright. Yet, how do they know who he is, if they have never seen him before?

- - -

Meanwhile, somewhere in the skies of Lorule, Ganondorf is surveying the land. It looks just like Hyrule, but with some key differences. So far, so good. This means the well-known races of Hyrule will be here as well. They should be fairly easy to enslave, since Link is not around to stop him. Ganondorf laughs his trademark laugh. Behind him, his two surrogate mothers look about uneasily from their brooms.

"Um, Ganny?" ventures the one named Koume. The red gem on her forehead shines brightly in the light of the sun. "I think we've been spotted."

Ganondorf turns around rapidly. "How many times do I have to tell you, _don't call me Ganny!_"

"Aww, but Ganny, that's our pet name for you," said Kotake.

"Leave me alone, mom."

Both Koume and Kotake chorus simultaneously, "Sure!" They turn towards each other angrily.

"I'm mom!" yelled one at the same time as the other. Both of the witches begin arguing.

"_I'm_ mom! Ganny's called me that ever since he was born!"

"He didn't know you when he was born, nitwit! That makes _me_ mom!"

"No it does not!"

"Yes it does!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"SHUT UP!" Ganondorf grabs both of his mothers' brooms and swings them away from each other. "I'll settle this. You" -he points to Koume- "are 'mom.' You" –now he points at Kotake "are 'mommy.' Both of you collectively are 'mother.' Got that?"

"Okay, lemme get this straight." Koume ticks off on her fingers. "I'm 'mommy' and she's 'mother' and... uh..."

"Stupid!" Kotake shouts at her sister. "I know what he said! I'm 'mother,' you're 'mommy,' and he's 'mom'!"

Ganondorf wonders if he could soothe his slowly growing headache with Advil. "No! Nevermind what I said! Let's check to make sure we weren't sighted." He flies toward the Lorulian marketplace with the two morons tagging close behind.

- - -

Meanwhile, at the Temple of Time (according to Link), Zeldon decides that he should check on what Rauru has seen. He walks out of the temple.

"Where is he going?" Link asks Rauru a split second before the prince calls one name loudly.

"GANONDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORF!!!"

Link, in a state of near panic, runs outside and spots Zeldon standing with his hands cupped about his mouth. The prince looks as if he is about to call again. Link grabs Zeldon roughly by the arm. "Why are you calling that... that fiend?" he demands.

Zeldon struggles slightly from Link's tight grasp. "He's not a fiend!"

A certain Gerudo comes down from the sky. He lands directly in front of the prince and bows. "You called?"

Zeldon tries again to get out of Link's hold. "Yes I did. Could you first get this guy off me?"

"Of course." Ganondorf, or Ganny as I'll call him to avoid confusion. He reaches for Link's arm.

Link jumps away as if touched with a hot coal. "_Don't_ touch me!" He whips out the Master Sword. "I'll kill you if I have to, you know!"

Ganny looks at Zeldon. "Who's your lunatic friend?"

Link suddenly decides he doesn't want to wait for a reason to kill his arch-enemy. He strikes quickly, scoring a hit. Ganny is thrown back, confused about what is happening. Link continues to swing as the opponent dodges.

Rauru comes out of the Temple, chewing on a bit of celery. Noticing what is going on, he immediately figures out who is the culprit and swiftly walks over. Grabbing Link's arm firmly, Rauru drags him over to the steps and forces him to sit down.

"Wow," Link comments as he rubs his arm. "Where'd you get that muscle?"

"Exercise."

Zeldon walks up to Ganny without hesitation. "Hey, Ganondorf. Rauru here thinks he saw someone like you fly by with two old ladies trailing. That wouldn't happen to be you, by any chance?"

"Not a chance. I came straight from solving a small dispute at Zora's Domain."

"You had better check it out anyway," Rauru cuts in. "I did see what I saw. If legend becomes true..."

Ganny begins to laugh. "Good one, old man. The legend won't come true; it hasn't yet anyway. First the Sword of Legend has to be brought to this country!"

Link starts to get up again. "Sword of Legend?"

Zeldon looks back over his shoulder. "Yeah, the Master Sword. The 'blade of evil's bane'."

Link glances at his sword tucked safely in its hilt. Everything so far has only confused him ever more. This is Hyrule, yet it's not. Now they speak of a legend, and it involves his sword?

"Which way did this person go?" Ganny asks Rauru.

"Looks like the Valley."

"There? Who in their right mind would go there?" Ganny begins to hover in mid-air. "Oh well. I'll check anyway." He zips away without a trace.

- - -

Ganondorf is resting atop the temple, watching the interesting scene below. His mothers are still trying to figure out who is who. "Shut up, both of you!" Ganondorf hisses quietly when his patience has run low.

"Ganny! That's no way to speak to your mommas!" Kotake scolds.

"I'm trying to listen in to those fools below, but your mouth-flapping is disrupting my concentration!"

"It's a shame, after all these years, to hear this from my Ganny-boy," Koume says in regret.

"It's no use! That look-alike of mine has gone. How about we go to Gerudo Valley and pick up a sizeable army?"

"Sure, Ganny!" Koume and Kotake respond energetically.

- - -

Link wonders if he could get at least one of his many questions answered. "Why do you trust Ganondorf?" he asks Zeldon.

The prince rolls his eyes. "He's the hero of Lorule. I thought you might have figured that out by now, peanut brain."

"Peanut brain?!" Link is getting tired of being insulted by this brat. "Wait, what's a peanut?"

Rauru steps between the two boys. "Link, I forgot that since you're new here, I must introduce myself. I'm Rauru, the Sage of Light. This is the Temple of Destiny." He indicates the large temple.

"Destiny?"

"If only you had come at a better time. Lorule is much more peaceful than it is now. However, recently there have been reports of a master theif stealing many items from many places. The most recent has come from GoGo Ranch. Each time, the thief has been described as wearing the tunic of the Kokiri, not unlike yourself."

"That doesn't make sense!" Link blurts out. "The Kokiri are-"

"The thief has been cornered a few times, which is why we know now that she is in fact a girl."

"Is _that_ why everyone calls me a girl?"

Zeldon grins wickedly. "Maybe that says something about you."

"Shut it!"

Rauru continues uninterrupted. "She is said to possess a sword of great power. I believe you can defeat her. That must be why the goddesses sent you here. However, you will need a sword of equal might to vanquish her."

Link thinks to himself, '_As if the Master Sword isn't good enough. I bet I can defeat her with one hand tied behind my back. Or maybe I should use a Lorulian weapon? I should play along, just in case_.' He puts on his best heroic look. "How do I get this other sword?"

"Gather the three Destiny Stones," Rauru instructs. "Bring them here, and I'll tell you what to do next."

"Let me guess, place them in the little slots and play the Song of Time?"

Rauru tries to disguise his quite obvious surprise. "Close. It's the Song of Destiny."

Link turns to walk away. Zeldon rushes to his side. "The first stone is in-"

The Hero of Time cuts him off. "Kokiri Forest. I know."

"And _how_ do you know?!"

Sarcastically, Link answers, "Lucky guess."

"I'll point the way out to you."

"I can figure it out myself, Princey. Just keep your royal behind in that extremely safe castle of yours. I'll handle this."

"Hey! I was only trying to be helpful!"

"You're helpful enough with your mouth closed. Let a professional handle this." Link steps into the marketplace. '_Sure, a professional. I'm practically a master, since this reminds me of days past... eight years ago...'_ He halts when he glimpses something he never thought he'd live to see: a Kokiri shopping outside of the forest. Problem is, the Kokiri looks a bit too tall to be a kid... the person turns around and immediately drops his groceries.

"What the-?! Where'd you come from?" He looks at Link up and down. "You're a Kokiri too? Haven't seen you before. Help a brother out, take me home. My cart broke and I don't want to drag all this stuff just to get yelled at when I get there."

Link, being the kind hero he is (I said that in the prologue, didn't I?), shows the adult where he has left his horse. Epona is still faithfully standing just inside the drawbridge.

"Wow, that's one fine horse!" The Kokiri checks out Epona at all angles. The horse looks distinctly uncomfortable. "How much you willing to sell her for?"

"Um, I'm not selling." Link mounts Epona and helps the Kokiri on.

"Aww, man! She would've been good eating!"

Link guides Epona across Lorule Field and towards Kokiri Forest, trying to keep her calm. Evidently the horse understands what the guy meant. Despite it all, Link gets to the forest relatively easily, excepting the fact that it is somewhat to the right of where it's supposed to be. What happens there, is next chapter.

- - -

Pikachu Death Count: 2


	4. The First Destiny Stone

Note: This chapter has been drastically revised from the original. This was the most confusing chapter out of the previous version, so I'll try to cut the confusion down to a minimum.

2nd Note: I never actually curse in real life, so I replace all curse words with (beep).

Disclaimer: See Ch1.

**Chapter 4 – The First Destiny Stone**

Mido peeks out of the entrance to Kokiri Forest. He spots his friend Joe and some stranger he has never seen before. "Hey!" he calls softly. "Where have you been all this time?"

"Buying lighters. Nothing much," answers Link's companion.

"Lighters? What for?" Link asks in surprise. He wonders why Mido himself is much older than he is supposed to be.

"We ran out," Mido whispers as he checks behind himself nervously.

The three people in green step in Kokiri Forest, and it seems the same, but the atmosphere is... different. Mido turns toward Link.

"Whoever you are, I gotta warn ya. Saria's not the kind of person to mess with. You'd better stay out of her way, cuz she's really pi-"

"And _who_ the (beep) are you?!" Mido immediately drops to the ground as Saria approaches. "I don't appreciate strangers waltzing in here like it's they own the (beep)ing place!" She shoots an icy look at Joe. "As for you, PICK UP THOSE ROCKS!" She points at a group of boulders blocking a burning house. Joe dashes straight for them.

Link stares in awe as Mido grovels at Saria's feet. He looks up at Saria, who is looking back at him dangerously.

"Alright, what do you want?" she growls. "I can tell you're not that backstabbing idiot Linda. You're too innocent-looking."

"Linda? Who's she?"

"Who gives a (beep)? What I asked you is all that matters right now."

Link clears his throat, then uses his best heroic voice. "I'm searching for the Kokiri Emerald!"

"You can't have it," Saria says quickly. She shakes Mido off her foot in disgust.

"Why not?"

"Because I-" Saria is interrupted by a loud BANG, and a huge fire springs forth into view. "What the (beep)?!"

A Kokiri comes running over, a huge grin on his face. "We did it! _We set on fire the Great Deku Tree!!_"

"You did?" Saria face lights up in excitement. "Well, what are you waiting for? Let's go!" She leads Mido, Joe, and even Link to the Deku Tree's area. The entire tree is engulfed in flames. All of the Kokiri surround it, dancing and shouting in happiness. They start a party with plenty of beer to go around. Saria grabs a bottle and downs half of it in one swig. She offers the bottle to Link, who declines.

"What's going on here?" Link asks, wondering if his amazement and confusion will never die down.

"Don't you know?" Saria says inbetween gulps of booze. "We've been trying to set afire this (beep)ing tree for goddess-knows-how-long! You see those burning things in front of it?"

Link follows Saria's finger to a few other smaller flames engulfing what looked like assortments of enemies you commonly find in the forest. "Deku babas?"

"Yeah, and Wolfos and Mad Scrubs and all that stuff. They're the Tree's personal bodyguards, all of them. They've been shredding us every time we tried to get at the tree."

"Why do you want to burn down the Great Deku Tree?"

"Now you're starting to sound like Linda. She always had a strange fondness for that tree."

"But _why_?!"

"'Cause he's the biggest flammable object in this forest." Saria takes another swig from her bottle. "And he's in our (beep)ing way!"

"Again, why?"

"We've been trying to burn down this whole forest, and he always revived them. Grew them back. Even the _houses_ grow back! When we burn something, it _stays_ burned!"

Link decides he shouldn't try to understand. "Just give me the Kokiri Emerald so I can leave."

"I told you, you can't have it."

"Why not?"

"Because I hid it in my secret spot. Only I know where that is. So you can't have it, period." One Kokiri falls over, drunk. Saria tsked at him. "Can't hold his liquor. Pitiful."

Link realizes what Saria has just said, then smiles. "Alright, have it your way. If you won't lead me to the Emerald, I'll go get it myself."

"Don't blame me if you get lost in those (beep) woods!"

"Ah, I won't! Just watch me!" Link calls back as he makes his way past all of the drunken Kokiri towards the Lost Woods entrance. He is temporarily dazed by the displacement of the entrance: it is on the other side of the houses, not to the right but to the left when coming out of the Great Deku Tree's area. Upon entering the Lost Woods, Link quickly takes a right turn and sees the skullkid dancing on the log. "Wait, isn't he on the other side...?"

This begins a frantic dash all over the Lost Woods, and hundreds of wrong turns. An hour of randomly running later, Link stops to catch his breath. He is still at the entrance, since he has just now taken a wrong turn. Frustrated, he grabs the first thing he touches (a bottle) and hurls it at a tree. A little blue fairy appears out of the wreakage and begins to fly backwards around Link's head.

"Wow," Navi begins, sounding very dizzy, perhaps from the throw. "Everything's been the opposite so far, huh? Around and around and around..."

"Don't start singing," Link warns her. Then it begins to dawn on him exactly what she inadvertently means. "_Opposite_! That's it, Navi! You're a genius!" He grabs the fairy and makes another mad dash. This time, however, he goes left when he thinks about going right and vice versa. Straight means going back. All the while, Navi begins singing to the tune of the Song of Storms.

"Go around, go around, in Kakariko town..."

Eventually Link comes upon the Sacred Forest Meadow. Nothing is in his way, since all of the enemies are being burned in front of the Great Deku Tree. He arrives at the stump where he usually would find Saria playing her song; instead, there hovers the Kokiri Emerald, ready for the taking. Or so he thinks.

"Jackpot!" Link shouts as he reaches to grasp the Kokiri Emerald. Suddenly, Navi feels an uncontrollable urge.

"Watch out!" she shouts as a Moblin crashes down behind Link. The young hero turns in time to avoid being jabbed by a spear.

"Sheesh, you should've warned me two seconds earlier!" Pulling out his bow and arrows, he kills off the enemy easily and leaves with his prize. Before exiting Kokiri Forest, Link hears a familiar voice.

"WTF?!" He turns to see Saria standing amazed at him. She moves her mouth a few times, then finally speaks. "How the (beep) did _you_ of all people find that Emerald?!"

"Easy. I was born and raised here," Link answers simply, and departs, leaving Saria to consider his words. Outside of the Forest, he sits on faithful Epona and ponders about the happenings of the last two hours. "It's only been two hours? Felt like a hundred years. If all of... what was this place? Lorule, that's it. If all of Lorule is as screwed up as these Kokiri are, I don't want to know what the Gorons are like." He looks towards Death Mountain. "I might as well get the second Spiritual Stone, Epona."

The horse huffs in a strange sort of way.

"You're right. It's a Destiny Stone. I wonder why it's called that? Anyway, let's go get it, whatever it is." Link snaps the reins, signaling Epona to gallop across Lorule Field. When he arrives at the bridge, he jerks back on the reins in surprise. Flowing beneath the river is a nearly impossible river of _lava_. Navi, who is still not captured, flies closer for a better view.

"Wow! Look at the lava! That's hot enough to kill even a fairy like myself!" she observes enthusiastically.

Link begins to smile evilly. "Really?" Retrieving his Megaton Hammer from his little pouch of items, he snatches Navi out of thin air, tosses her up, and swings. "Play ball!"

Navi zooms through the air, smacking a Pikachu straight in the back. The Pokemon falls off the bridge it is sitting on and sizzles in the lava. Amazingly, Navi stays in a happy mood as she flies in front of Link's face. "That was fun! I know my bestest friend –that's you –won't kill me because at random times I give valuable advice when I don't even realize it!!" she yells excitedly, obviously still feeling the effects of her morning coffee.

Link, who has been considering chucking Navi in a bottle into the river, changes his mind. "For once, you're right." He recaptures Navi in his third bottle. "I'll figure this lava thing out later."

Epona carries Link to the steps leading up to Kakariko town, where he dismounts and pats her mane. Confident that no more surprises will await him at the top of the stairs, Link begins to head for the next Destiny Stone.

- - -

Yoshi: And that concludes Links part! From now on the chapters will be divided in two: Link, then Ganondorf, unless otherwise stated.

- - -

Ganondorf surveys the fortress, which looks exactly like his home back in Gerudo Valley. He struts over proudly, then throws open his arms, ready to greet his loyal... where did they go? Glancing left and right, Ganondorf notes that there is not a soul outside of the fortress. "Something's strange. Why is nobody outside, guarding?"

The two surrogate mothers, Koume and Kotake, wander into Ganondorf. They look about nervously, then relax. "Looks like nobody's going to assassinate us, Ganny," Kotake says.

"Who said anything about assassination?"

"Well, we _are_ in a new country," Koume points out.

"Shut up. Let's go, Mother!" Ganondorf heads into the fortress, not even bothering to check if the two witches are following him.

"Ha, he said me," Koume says smugly.

"No, he said me," Kotake counters.

"Me."

"Me."

"Me."

"ME!"

Ganondorf arrives at a large inner room. There is enough space contained within the walls to accommodate the entire Gerudo tribe if necessary. Strangely enough, instead of Gerudo, the room is packed with Sheikahs. To top it all off, all of the Sheikah are boys. They are all facing the far end of the area, where a large, ornate chair fit for a king is placed. Ganondorf recognizes the figure sitting upon the chair. "Sheik?!"

Everyone in the room turns to face the Gerudo, who sticks out like a sore thumb in the crowd of Sheikahs. Without hesitation, Sheik shouts orders to the three closest to Ganondorf to bring him over. Of course, the Gerudo King will not go down without a fight. Sheik watches as, one by one, each of his men are beaten down by this newcomer. Finally, a few are able to restrain Ganondorf enough to spur him to Sheik and force him to kneel.

"And who might you be?" Sheik asks calmly.

"Aren't you a girl?" Ganondorf asks, deliberately ignoring the question directed at him.

Sheik strikes him suddenly. "Don't you _dare_ insult me like that again! Us Sheikah are an exclusively male race!"

Ganondorf smiles wickedly. "Heh, doesn't make you a boy, girly."

Sheik stares at him with fiery red eyes. "Throw this freak into a cell until I decide what to do with him!" he orders the few that are holding Ganondorf back. Amazingly, the King of Evil has forgotten his magic-derived abilities, which is why he is not fighting back.

"No, that'd be too easy." A feminine voice pervades the air, with a hint of malicious intent.

Ganondorf looks up in the direction of the speaker. The person steps forward out of the shadows, regarding the Gerudo with ice-blue eyes. Her blonde bangs and green tunic perfectly imitate someone Ganondorf knows all too well. "Link? What are you doing here?"

"I am not this Link you speak of. Who I am is not important, however." She begins to circle Ganondorf, inspecting him from all sides. "What _is_ important, is your punishment for invading the fortress. I say torture of the brutalist kind, considering that you have managed to injure nearly all of the Sheikah." She looks up. "Don't you agree, Sheik?"

"Of course," he replies automatically.

"Good." The woman in green steps back. "I have a look-alike problem to take care of. For now, I leave the matter in your hands, Sheik. Just make sure not to ruin the clothes. It would be useful to sell later on, if he doesn't survive the torture. The Gerudo will be very willing to buy them, I'm sure." Retreating to the shadows from which she came, the mysterious person disappears.

Sheik continues watching in the direction she had left in a little longer, then glares at Ganondorf. "Take him to the torture chamber. I'll see to his torment myself."

- - -

Pikachu Death Count: 3


	5. Kakariko Chaos

Disclaimer: See Ch1.

**Chapter 5 – Kakariko Chaos**

Link arrives at the top of the steps and spots the "clock soldier" standing by the entrance to Kakariko Village. For fun, he waves his hands wildly a few inches from the soldier's face. The eyes blink, but only because air is hitting them. "Hey!" Link shouts.

"It's exactly 4:00!" The soldier trumpets suddenly.

Link is the one who blinks this time. "What?"

"I said, it's exactly 4:00! Don't you know how to tell time?"

"...That's all you do?"

"I can't see, so I count seconds to pass the time. By the way, it's 4:01 now."

Link decides he won't ask how the soldier can talk and keep track of time simultaneously. It will just give him a bigger headache than before. He leisurely strolls into Kakariko, half-expecting something to go wrong. The first thing Link spies upon entering is the carpenter boss, who is clutching his head as if panicking and shouting. Curiousity drives Link to approach and inquire what is going on.

"They won't stop working!" cries the boss. "Oh no! There they go again!!"

Link looks in the direction of the pointing finger. The area indicated is the building which, in Young Link's side of OoT, is "unfinished." Instead, the place is halfway done, and is being worked on by the four carpenters. They are singing, though very off-tune.

"Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho! It's off to work we go!!"

Link shakes his head, stares a little while longer, then moves on. No use trying to understand. Everything is too weird to understand anyway. The sooner he gets out of this mad country, the better. Instead of heading to the gate leading up the mountain, Link takes a detour over to Anju's cucco pen. Smiling, Link motions to the birds. "How are your cuccos?"

Anju looks at him strangely, then cackles. "Oh, they're just dandy, heh heh heh..." she answers in an evil-sounding voice. "Funny you should ask me about them..." Anju reaches into the pen and retrieves one of the chickens. The cucco has bright, blood-red eyes. "You want to see them up close? Fly, my pretties! _FLY_!!" She throws the cucco into the air, and the others hop the pen and fly alongside it.

Link's eyes widen. "KILLER CUCCOS!!!" he yells as he swings his sword, whacking one back. It shakes itself a little, opens its now-brighter-red eyes, and attacks even more fiercely. Noticing that hitting them is no good, Link runs from the crazy chickens into the closest door, which he slams shut. Cartoon-style, beaks poke through the wooden door and become stuck.

"Whew," Link remarks as he wipes some sweat off his forehead. "That was close."

"_YOU!!!_" A dagger narrowly misses Link's head and imbeds itself into the door. Outside, a low "Pikaaaaaa..." is heard. Link spins around to come face-to-face with the Windmill Guy, who is currently looking very deranged... the way he does after playing the Song of Storms in the windmill.

"I'm gonna kill you, then I'm gonna rip you apart limb from limb, then I'm gonna break every bone in your body, _then_ I'm gonna watch you buuuuuuuuurn!"

The Hero of Time very un-heroically turns pale with fear and jumps onto the part of the windmill that spins. The Deranged Windmill Guy (DWG) jerks out his now very bloody knife, then reaches for his music box and cranks it, conjuring up the sound of "Nocturne of Shadows."

"Isn't that supposed to be the Song of Stor- AHHH!!" Link says just before ducking a jab in his direction. As he goes around and around, the DWG nearly stabs him, coming closer each time to making a clean hit. Link dodges as best as he can, considering that the floor he is standing on is constantly moving.

'_How am I supposed to get out? That freak is blocking the way!_' Link thinks while avoiding another attack. A little blue-colored thought sneaks its way into his mind. '_That's it! Navi said that everything's backwards here! That means...'_ Link whips out his Ocarina, steers clear of another slice, and plays the Song of Storms.

Rain falls, thunder rolls in the background, and the Windmill Guy looks up, a smile on his face. Calmer now, he walks over to Link and hugs him. "That's it! That was the tune I was looking for!! Thank you, boy-in-the-green-skirt!"

Link manages to say something despite being choked by the hug. "You're... welcome... and it's a... tunic..."

The Windmill Guy drops Link and spreads his hands gratefully. "Ask me anything, and I'll be obliged to answer."

Link decides that he might as well get more information about the theif he's been hearing so much about. "Uh, have you seen anyone who looks like me?"

The Windmill Guy seems to become deranged again for a second. He cranks the music box (which is now playing the Song of Storms) and calms again. "Yes, I've seen her," he answers angrily. "She's stolen a valuable possession of mine, an heirloom. The eye that can discern reality from falsehood, the lens which perceive that which cannot be easily percieved, the-"

Link removes from his miniature pouch of items the one he believes is being described and holds it up. "Lens of Truth?"

The Windmill Guy lunges for it. "Give it to me!" A brief struggle ensues. After a few minutes of pulling, jerking, and other attempts at possession, the again deranged Windmill Guy puts his dagger to Link's throat. "Give me what's rightfully mine, or I'll make sure you'll die a slow, painful death!" he growls menancingly.

Link, not wanting to be killed, hands over the Lens without a peep.

"Good." The DWG pockets his prize. "NOW TO KILL YOU ANYWAY!!"

Link runs for the door, not looking back. He slams it shut behind him, cuccos and all, and doesn't stop there. He runs for the gate up Death Mountain, or whatever the Lorulians call it. He barely hears Anju behind him.

"My poor flesh-eating cuccos! Let me get you out!"

Somehow, on the way to the gate, Link is stopped by the beggar/banker. "Ahh, Clock Town!" The beggar says while inhaling deeply.

"This is Kakariko Village," Link points out as if to an insolent kid.

"Oh... No wonder I couldn't find a bank to work for. Thanks, cutie." He winks suggestively.

Link turns quickly and continues his mad run. "GAY BANKER!!!" he shouts on his way up the steps. In his haste, he misses the gate and slams into the soldier standing beside it.

"Hey, who's there?" asks the guard as he scans the area with unseeing eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm going to see the Gorons." Link checks behind himself and notices the banker watching him from a distance. "Let me go through, I _need_ to go up there!"

"Is there a cloud around the mountain?"

Link looks up and sees the usual gray cloud. "Of course."

"You shouldn't go up there now. They're having their annual barbecue."

"Barbecue? Why would they roast rocks?"

The guard falls over, laughing so hard that tears form in his eyes. "_Rocks_?! What gave you that idea? Boy are you STUPID!"

Angry, Link leaves the guard where he is and opens the gate himself. The guard is wearing the keys; why not use them? Link marches up the path to where you see the first Goron, in front of Dodongo's cavern. Unsurprisingly, the cavern is blocked. Link knocks on the Goron's head to wake it up, since it doesn't move at all. The Goron is wearing a strange thing on its head that is reminiscent of Indians' headgear. Suddenly, it springs up and almost crushes Link in a bear hug.

"I got one! I got one, Big Brother Darunia! We feast tonight!" The Goron shouts happily. He races up the rest of the mountain trail and into Goron City, where Link beholds a terrifying sight.

- - -

Sheik throws Ganondorf hard into the cell. The Sheikah is tattered, looking as if he has survived the harshest war of his life... which may as well be true. Glaring at the weakened Gerudo King, he says, "Hope you rot in there." Promptly he turns and leaves to seek medical attention.

Ganondorf gets up slowly, holding his injured left arm. "I'll kill you before I rot," he answers, then begins a healing spell on the arm. Slowly, the pain dies away. Ganondorf looks about, wondering how stupid the Sheikah thinks he is. Charging up a dark energy blast, he blows away one of the walls, not caring which one. It crumbles easily, giving way to the sight of Kotake playing Solitaire.

Ganondorf walks over to Kotake's side. "What are you doing?"

"Ooh, an Ace of Hearts! Finally!" Kotake mumbles to herself. She cackles a little and places it beside three other Aces.

"Mommy? Don't you think you should be figuring a way out of here?" Ganondorf was afraid of this. He has heard that his mothers were captured, and he also knows that they are dumb enough to stay within the cells, given enough entertainment.

"Well, now that you mention it, I should, eh? But how am I supposed to do that?" She taps a finger on the end of her extremely large nose.

"Use your ice powers, idiot!!"

"What happened to 'mommy'?"

"Just use them!"

"Not until you say the magic word!!" Kotake teases.

"Fine... mommy."

"Aww, I love it when you say 'mommy'!" She jumps up and claps her hands. "Alright, sonny-boy, _stand back!_" Kotake pushes up her sleeves and begins to conjure up an ice spell, which should have taken her less than a second. She summons all the powers that be, and releases... a puff of smoke. "Oops, let me try that one more time!"

Ganondorf merely sweatdrops.

"Don't worry, I'll get it right this time." Kotake jumps up and down. "Booga booga booga!!"

"What the heck?!"

Kotake releases an ice spell directly at the wall in front of her (as if she could miss...), freezing it in such a way that Ganondorf can punch through with no effort at all. Now he finds Koume playing Old Maid with herself.

"I win again! I'm so smart!!" Koume shouts at her invisible partner. The air doesn't answer. "Ha, sore loser, like always."

"Old Maid, my favorite game," Kotake yelps happily. "Can I play, sis?"

"Sure thing, sis."

"No time for that!" Ganondorf interrupts quickly before the situation can get out of hand. "Mom, use your fire powers on _this_ wall!" He points in a different direction than the one he has been going so far.

Kotake looks confused. "But I don't have fire powers..."

"Anything for my Ganny!" Koume exclaims. She stands up and is about to cast a spell when Kotake jumps her.

"He's _my_ Ganny! How dare you claim him?" Kotake shouts while throwing weak punches.

"No, he's mine!" Koume fires her spell upwards instead, nearly melting Kotake's hair.

"Why you little-" Kotake begins casting her own spells. The two witches fight furiously, nearly singing and freezing Ganondorf in the process.

"HEY!" Ganondorf calls out. He stands in front of the desired wall. "Stop fighting and hit this wall!"

"Shut up, Ganny!" Koume and Kotake yell simultaneously. They aim their next blasts directly at their surrogate son, who moves out of the way. A Pikachu, looking confused, is caught in the crossfire. A large explosion is heard, drowning out the sound of the frying Pokemon. The wall is blasted open, exposing an escape route rather than another cell. The two witches jump on their brooms and ride away laughing in their strange way, having forgotten their argument. Ganondorf, on the other hand, takes his time and steps out triumphantly, only to be surrounded by Sheikah guards.

"How did you do that?" demands one.

"Don't try to run away, Gerudo!" warns another.

Ganondorf rolls his eyes. By now, he is getting extremely tired of Sheikah. Without another thought, he unleashes a wave of energy that causes the guards to double over in pain. As Ganondorf makes his way past the agonized men, noting with a hint of regret that Sheik isn't one of them. He leaves, somehow not noticing the other Ganondorf (Ganny).

Ganny, who has detoured in favor of a lost brat, lands silently and surveys the scene. "What is going on here?"

The pain Ganondorf had induced is for one reason or another very short-lived. The Sheikah immediately grab a hold of Ganny.

"Let's put him up for more torture!" yells one in almost sadistic glee.

"Nah, remember how many of us he killed last time we tortured him?" an anonymous voice from the crowd answers.

"Then what should we do with him?" asks the first.

Several Sheikah call out in symphony, "_Throw him in a stronger cell!_"

Sheik walks over from his viewing spot, which is atop the fortress. "Throw him the strongest cell we have."

"What did I do?" Ganny asks of Sheik almost pitifully.

"Plenty." Sheik answers simply as the others drag Ganny away to the innermost cell. He sits down, obviously unwilling to do anything to save his skin. How pathetic.

"I'm _not_ pathetic! I'm just doing what's right!!"

Whatever, loser.

- - -

Pikachu Death Count: 5


	6. Goron BBQ

Disclaimer: See Ch1.

**Chapter 6 – Goron BBQ**

The whole chamber is filled with the smell of cooking flesh. The Goron holding Link leaps down each level, which are crammed with Gorons chanting in their native tongue. The Goron lands hard at the bottom, where the giant jar is replaced by a huge spit turning above an equally large fire. Currently being roasted is a Pikachu.

"I got the sacrifice, Chief!" shouts the Goron with glee. "They finally sent one!"

'_Sacrifice?'_ Link wonders, hoping that his kidnapper is referring to the dead Pokemon.

"Good." Darunia steps out of his room, fully dressed like an Indian (or, more properly, a Native American) chief. "Bring it here." The happy Goron hauls Link before Darunia and forces him onto his knees. Darunia scrutinizes Link up and down. "Mmmmm... what a delicious-looking human!" he says while licking his lips.

Link gulps uncontrollably out of fear. This is what the guard meant by a barbecue. Now it seems as if he just might die here, away from his home, and he never had a chance to say good-bye to Young Link...

"That Pikachu is too small for me. I prefer this one better." Darunia pokes Link for emphasis, bringing the boy out of his thoughts. "He'll make a fine meal."

Before he can die, Link wants answers. "What's going on?" he asks. If _this_ Darunia is as stupid as the Hylian version, maybe Link can prolong his death, or maybe even avoid it entirely.

Darunia smiles at him with a wide, sharp-toothed smile. He looks almost sympathetic. "Oh, they sent you up here without telling you, eh? Kakariko villagers send us a sacrifice every year for our annual barbecue. If they don't, we invade the town for our food. Fair, isn't it?"

Link quickly looks about himself at the numerous beings gathered on each successive level, still chanting in an almost hypnotic way. "I'm not enough to feed all these Gorons!" Link shouts in realization at the sheer number of them, then realizes what he said. He tries to suppress an involuntary shudder.

The cheiftain laughs heartily. "Of course not! I'm the one who will eat you, along with my son," he explains while putting a hand to the younger Goron's back. Link realizes that the kid has been standing there the whole time. "The others eat the fish we harvest from a nearby cavern."

'_Since when did Dodongo Cavern have fish?_' Link thinks to himself. He remembers a well-known quirk of Darunia's. "May I have a last request?"

"Why not? We let all the other sacrifices have one anyway."

"I want to play a song on my Ocarina!"

"Go ahead," said the chief, sounding as if he finds the idea boring. He signals to the Goron restraining Link to let him go. "Make it quick, I'm getting hungry."

Link whips out his trusty Ocarina of Time. "Don't fail me now," he whispers, then he plays Saria's Song.

(Guess what happens!)

Darunia claps his hands somewhere on his head, covering his unseen ears. "Argh! Stop that horrible noise!!"

(Fooled ya, didn't I?)

Link stops momentarily, confused once again. "Huh?" That proves to be his mistake. A Goron twists Link's arms behind his back harshly, almost to the breaking point. "Owwwww!"

Darunia looks ready to kill. "For playing that horrid sound, we will fry you immediately without the unnecessary ceremonies we use to terrify our victims beforehand!"

The chant of the Gorons increase in tempo, as if in anticipating the feast to come. They begin to stomp in rhythm too, causing Link to become even more frightened. The many faces are watching as the Pikachu is cast off the spit to make room for its newest victim. Two Gorons plastered with strange symbols grab ahold of each of Link's arms, effectively restraining him. Darunia carries the wooden rod easily, then positions it to be driven down the back. He begins chanting as well, yet differently, as if singing a prayer of some sort. Darunia raises the stake, shouting his chant. Link closes his eyes, hoping that his death won't be too painful. Suddenly, the ground shakes.

"Chief!" The voice breaks the rhythm of the chant, creating a deep silence. Link opens his eyes and spots the newcomer. "Chief, Dodongo's Cavern is sealed shut!"

Link blinks a little. '_Now they notice?_'

"Hmm, this presents a problem." Darunia puts down the stake, and Link releases the breath he realizes he's been holding. "We can't have this ceremony without the fish."

Link grabs at his chance for freedom. "I can fix it!"

"Hush, green-skirt, I'm trying to think of a way to fix this problem."

"It's a tunic!"

Darunia snaps his fingers, having thought of a brilliant idea. "I know!" He turns to Link. "You can go in, open up the cavern, and destroy those pesky menaces inside there. Usually we avoid them, but I'll have you kill them all. If you do that, we will let you go and not invade Kakariko either. Deal?" He extends a huge hand towards Link.

Link accepts readily, happy for any chance to escape. He begins to extend his own hand to the chieftain, but notices the Gorons still holding the arms back.

Darunia sighs. "Let him go, idiots."

Now freed, Link shakes his hand, almost getting his own hand crushed. "Deal."

The head Goron leads the way to the exit. "Out of the way! Sacrifice coming through!"

"I'm not a sacrifice anymore, remember?"

"How can I be sure of that?"

Link shivers a little. Upon reaching the outside, he heads straight for Dodongo's Cavern. Calmly placing a bomb in front of the offending rock, Link moves a distance away and waits for the explosion. He walks in, wondering what changes there will be this time. Amazingly, the whole place looks exactly the way it is supposed to be, except for one little detail: H2O. Everywhere Link looks, there is water. Shrugging, the Hero of Time uses this fact to ease his journey throughout the cavern. For example, he finds out that Lizalfos can't swim. Link's such a cheater.

"It's not cheating! It's called taking advantage of your surroundings!"

Riiiight. Anyway, eventually Link is able to bomb the eyes blue, after which he simply jumps off the bridge into the water below. He enters the mouth and makes his way to the boss of the entire area. He takes out an unlit bomb and grins wickedly. "Heeeere, big, bad Dodongo. I have a _surprise_ for you!"

Suddenly, a watery tentacle reaches out of the central lake and attempts to wring the life out of Link. The young teen instantly recognizes the creature.

"Not Morpha!!" he yells as he is thrown in a random direction. The tentacle retreats, along with the amoeba's nucleus. "That's it, you're dead!" Link shouts angrily. He did _not_ like getting squeezed that way. He takes out of his item bag the Longshot and uses it to hook the nucleus. When it comes close, Link slashes at the cursed thing until it bounces back into the water. "I'm winning."

A tentacle taps Link's shoulder from behind.

"Huh? Aaaaaack!" Link yelps as he is squished once again and thrown. Recovering from this most recent attack, everyone's favorite hero longshots the nasty nucleus once again and pins it down with an arrow. "Try to get away this time!" Link shouts while whacking repeatedly the trapped brain-like thing. It finally dies, causing the room to freeze. Triumphantly, Link steps into the blue light, which deposits him outside of Dodongo Cavern's entrance.

"Well, well, well. You pulled it off, green-skirt!" says Darunia from behind him.

Link spins around rapidly, almost making him dizzy. "Call me something else, _please_."

"You are a great human. Come visit any time you like. Here, as protection, you can have this." Darunia reveals a red gem. "This proves that you are no longer to be considered a snack."

Link receives the Goron's Ruby!

"Congratulations, Grasshopper," Darunia finishes.

"Hey, that's Romani's pet name for me!" Link objects.

Darunia either doesn't notice or doesn't care. "Hey, y'all! Let's give Grasshopper here a farewell Goron Handshake!"

Hundreds of Gorons land behind Darunia, reaching out for Link. The latter, not wanting to stick around for the consequences, immediately takes off down the mountain trail. Upon reaching Kakariko, he stops. Everything is dead silent. Too quiet. Nobody is outside. No sound is heard. Not even the crazy red-eyed cuccos are making any noise. Nothing at all...

"This is creepy... but I've got the Triforce of Courage!" Link looks at the back of his hand to confirm his statement. "This kind of thing doesn't scare me!" Despite what he has said, Link moves slowly down the steps. He can feel the evil penetrating the air. Someone immensely powerful is here...

"Hello, doppleganger," says a female voice.

Link whirls to see himself right in front of him. No, not himself, but that thief he's been hearing so much about, Linda. Her head is bowed, causing her blonde bangs to cover most of her face. She looks up slowly, revealing matching blue eyes.

"I've been waiting for you."

- - -

Ganondorf raids the marketplace with his two adopted mothers, leaving destruction in their wake. Technically, Ganondorf is the one who causes the destruction, but let's ignore that for the moment. They hide out somewhere in Lorule Field and enjoy the stolen food and drink. The day has been exhausting, and the King of Evil suggests that they all go to sleep. Two of the three are encountering difficulties, however.

"Ganny, this rock's uncomfy," Koume complains. She adjusts her stone pillow.

Ganondorf opens one eye slightly, then closes it. "Live with it."

"Ganny, there's grass stains all over my shirt! I got this cleaned yesterday!" Kotake yelps in horror.

The sorcerer rolls over. "Wash it again later."

"I hate grass," Koume grumbles.

"Deal with it," Ganondorf growls sleepily.

Kotake yells, "Aah! Ants!" She tries to brush the invasion of insects off.

The Gerudo King sits up angrily. "Kill them, for Pete's sake!"

The two witches stare at their surrogate son quizzically. "Who's Pete?"

Ganondorf rubs his temples. "I meant, for Din's sake."

"Ohh, I didn't know she's nicknamed Pete," mentions one of them. The other snickers.

"Just go to sleep."

"But Ganny!" Both chorus at the exact same time.

"Oh, for the love of Din, _just let me sleep!!!_"

(That is an actual fanfic, which has amazingly avoided the authorities.)

- - -

Pikachu Death Count: 6


	7. Link vs Linda, Round 1

Note: BIG thanks to Kitaiko, who has written this fight for me. The original stinked, so she wrote this to replace it. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: See Ch1.

**Chapter 7 – Link vs Linda, Round 1**

Link slowly draws the Master Sword, as if trying to intimidate the opponent before him. As soon as the sword is out of its sheath, he holds it out in front of him, his eyes narrowed into a glare. He isn't sure what to think of this new foe, or even whether he should be taking the fight seriously or not.

"So you're Linda?" Link asks, already knowing the answer. He looks over the supposed "woman" and then adds, "You sure don't look it."

Linda draws her own blade out of the sheath slowly, revealing a sword just as magnificent as Link's. She is holding the Master Sword in her hands, somehow, some way. It seems impossible, most likely a trick of the mind, but Link can't be sure. "Looks can be deceiving. Take your sword for example. At least _I_ have the original," she counters, her words sending a cold and icy chill down Link's spine. Linda doesn't look or talk like a person to be taken lightly, and that's just what Link has been anticipating.

"Are you calling my sword a fake?" He asks, his eyes still locked in a death glare.

"Maybe, maybe not," comes her mocking reply as she slides her fingers gingerly down the flat side of her sword. It appears as if she is trying to toy with him, but the thought doesn't occur to Link at all. He is too worked up, too ready to take down his imposter. "Oh, and let me just tell you," she continues, her words seeming to contain some sort of venom to them, "The only way you're getting out of this village... IS IN YOUR COFFIN!"

Linda doesn't waste any time in waiting for a response from Link. She has already circled around him with amazing speed and has her sword racing down on a collision course with Link's shoulder. Link swerves out of the way in time for a thrust of his own, just barely grazing the girl's arm.

Link jumps back a few paces, waiting for her next move. There isn't much he can do except for counter-attack at the moment. The girl's fighting strategies are a mystery to him, so he has no way to combat them. In fact, he isn't even sure that Linda _has _a fighting strategy. If that is the case, Link is doomed.

"What's the matter, pretty-boy? Are you scared of me yet?" Linda asks, rushing forward once more, not relenting her attack. "Because you should be!" She is distracting Link with her words just long enough to get another unsuccessful thrust in.

Link isn't sure what to do now. She has him cornered up against the door of a house in the middle of the village. His eyes doesn't show the fear that he feels, no, they can't. If Linda sees his fear now, she would be sure to use that to her advantage.

Linda pulls back her sword, her hand grasping Link's neck tightly. Her fingers are constricting his breathing, and also making it impossible for him to wrench free. She strikes at him with the blade, quickly pulling it back to grin in satisfaction at the blood that soaked it.

There is a shrill, inhuman cry from the inside of the door and blood plasters against the wood. Inside the hole made by the "Master Sword" is the image of a Pikachu sliced right through the heart by Linda's blade. Linda looks at the spot where Link is supposed to be and sees nobody.

Link kicks her against the door, keeping his foot on her back. He had noticed that just as the deadly tip of the sword was about to rip through his stomach, she let go of his neck. _Bad move Linda, very bad move_, he thinks, grinning. Now the tables are turned, and he can trap her flawlessly.

Or so he wants to believe. Linda pushes herself away from the door, throwing Link off of her. For a girl no older than Link, she possesses incredible strength, more than Link has ever seen displayed from _any _female. Before he has time to think, Linda is lunging forward once more with that sword of hers.

Link quickly props up his Master Sword in a defensive position that ensures Linda wouldn't be able to hit any part of his body. The two blades clang together, ringing throughout the whole town. Their eyes meet for a moment, sharing the ferocity each felt. For both combatants it is a challenge, and neither can seem to come out on top. As the blades stay locked, so does their eyes. Neither backs down, for doing so would be admitting defeat, and it is too early to admit defeat. The energy from the swords is too much though, and both are sent hurtling back.

Link pants slightly, wondering how much energy he'd have to expend on just one single girl. Linda shows the same signs of fatigue, but she doesn't seem to be ready to quit just yet.

"I don't have the time to waste on you," Linda says once she gets her breath back. This is the big finale, and Link has to be prepared for what is to come.

Quickly, Linda brings out a bow and arrow. The arrow has a strange glow to it, like a dark aura. It is almost exactly like the light arrow, just... dark. Link isn't sure how to respond to this, so he just keeps up his sword.

Linda shoots the first arrow, intentionally missing Link. Link watches as the arrow soares past him and slams into one of the staircases by the hillside, blowing it inwards. The destructive power of the arrow is fantastic, and Link can't begin to get his mind around it.

Yet another arrow is fired, but this time Link knows it wouldn't miss if he stands still. Quickly, the hero runs to the side, his sword held in the same defensive stance as it was a while ago. Once he is close enough to Linda, he strikes, but is thrust backwards by the force of the bow being jabbed into his gut.

Link doesn't have any other choice but to run. Linda will surely crush him if he doesn't. The only safe place seems to be a rooftop where she wouldn't be able to reach him. Unfortunately, he doesn't have the time to scale a house to get to the roof.

Linda is already rushing after him though, and if he doesn't do something fast, he'd be toast. Link pulls out his bow and Light Arrows, ready to send a volley after her instead of just a few taunting shots. She notices this and dashes around to the cover of some buildings.

This gives Link the time he needs to scale one of the houses and reach the rooftop. The best bet is the rooftop with the annoying guy who sits up there... although for some strange reason he is not there. As quickly as the hero could with one hand, he aims his longshot over at the house and shoots, pulling himself up there with his weapons.

Linda emerges from the cover of the houses, but not on the ground. She is atop one of the other roofs, watching Link search for her. As their eyes meet once more, she jumps off the roof in an attempt to land on the other house.

Link sees what she is doing and jumps up, unleashing a light arrow in the process. In response, Linda shoots one of her "Dark Arrows" over at him while still in midair. The consequence of their actions borderlines deadly.

The moment both arrows hit, a blast is emitted from the two tips. A combination of light and dark energy fills the whole town and sends the two opponents flying straight up in the air.

Link's eyes widens as he is shot through the air like some rejected frisbee. He doesn't notice or even care where Linda is going, as long as it is away from him. His eyes close firmly, and he clenches his hand so tightly around his bow that his knuckles begin turning white. He doesn't know what to expect on the other side, nor does he care. More important than where he is going to end up is if he is going to end up _alive_.

- - -

Liked it? Compliment Kitaiko in a review, I bet she'd like that! Now for two little extras for you to entertain yourself with before reviewing.

- - -

Ganondorf is awakened by a loud boom. He grumbles something about never getting enough sleep and cracks open his eyes wide enough to see three figures flying out of the direction of Death Mountain. One flies a long distance, another doesn't go as far, and third cries out "PIKAAAA!" as it sizzles in the air, frying from re-entering the atmosphere.

"Stupid people can't keep their disagreements quiet," Ganondorf mumbles as he lies back down and goes back to dreamland, where he has finally conquered Hyrule and enslaved Link along with the Sages. Ahh, if only dreams _could_ come true.

- - -

Sheik helps Linda into a sitting position. "What happened? I heard an explosion and went outside, where you crashed into a tree." He winces at the memory. "You're one tough old bird."

Linda glares at him. "Old? I'm hardly older than you, remember that!" She glances at her bruises and the bandaged upper arm. "Who _is_ he?"

"Who is who?" Sheik brushes some stray hair from Linda's face gently, almost lovingly.

Linda proceeds to tell her second-in-command about this strange person she met in Kakariko. Sheik listens intently, then sits back when she finishes.

"Hmm, this guy sounds like he knows just as much as you do about swordplay. We're going to need to figure out a new strategy, in case you meet him again."

"Isn't the only strategy winning?"

"I don't consider flying through the air a win, Linda. Now go to sleep. We'll discuss this further in the morning."

- - -

Pikachu Death Count: 8


	8. Zora and Fire DO Mix

Note: I have combined Chapters 8 and 9 into this one, because Ch8 was too short.

Second Note: This is only Link's side of Ch8 and 9; Ganondorf comes next chapter.

Disclaimer: See Ch1.

**Chapter 8 – Zora and Fire DO Mix**

Link slowly awakens to the sensation of heat... lots of it. He stirs a bit, causing a few background voices to gibber quietly. Link puts a hand to his head in an attempt to still his throbbing headache, forces his eyes open, and sees a Zora standing above him. After that little Goron incident, Link could do nothing else but yell and scoot away. "Where am I!"

The Zora grins at the Hylian, amused. "In Zora's Domain, where else? I found you lying by the river. You looked pretty beat up, so I decided to take you in. Good thing I did too; you were about to fall in. Your kind can't handle lava." She steps closer and leans towards him. "Besides, I wouldn't want a cutie like you to burn up, would I?"

Link stands up quickly, then sits down again due to the headache. "Ow..."

"Rest, Kokiri. Afterwards I'll give you a tour."

- - -

Some time later, the female Zora, Akuro, leads Link on an unofficial tour of the cavern known as Zora's Domain. Link asks questions along the way.

"You guys have a king, right?"

"Yup."

'_Alright, so that hasn't changed...'_ "And he has a daughter named Ruto, correct?"

"Sure does."

"And Ruto is not around here."

"Absolutely."

"Good." Link feels relieved that the scary fish isn't around. He wipes his hand across his forehead. "Whew, it's hot in here! Why?"

"You'll see," answers Akuro. She leads Link down to the edge of the huge pond into which the waterfall empties. Instead of water, however, the entire area is filled with lava. Many Zora are enjoying their time swimming in the hot medium.

"How can you stand swimming in that!"

Akuro smiles at what, to her, is a silly question. "We evolved a tough skin that can withstand the intense temperature. This trait is very important, because without it we wouldn't be able to survive."

"I can tell." Link feels as if he is cooking just by standing near the lava. Out of the corner of his eye, the Hero of Time picks out a Zora couple standing at the very edge of the lake. The male is holding a very young child, perhaps not even a year old. The dude begins swinging it.

"One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to GO!" At that signal, the father hurls his son as far as he can into the lava. The little boy flails about pathetically. "Any minute now..."

The mother is watching intently. "Any minute now..."

Both parents keep their eyes glued to the son, who dips under a final time. "Any minute now..."

The son floats to the surface, belly-up. The father shouts in joy. "He's doing the Dead Man's Float! That's a start!"

Link rushes over, apalled at what he has witnessed. "What do you mean, that's a start? That poor kid's dead!"

The father blinks several times. "Oh." He turns to his wife. "Let's get a sixth, honey." They skip off merrily.

Link glances at Akuro, then stares at the boy still floating in the lava. "What was that all about?"

Akuro shrugs nonchalantly. "Testing for lava-resistant skin and instinctive swimming ability. Routine, that's all." A cheer rises up out of another family. "Look, that one has passed."

Link follows the girl's gaze to the family of four, who is greeting a little boy paddling over to them. Link shakes his head. "I'm getting out of this lunatic place," he says as he stomps towards the exit. The only thing that stops him is the fact that a Destiny Stone lies here. He sighs in defeat and turns back.

"Where are you going?" Akuro asks as Link passes by her.

"To see the king!" Link guides himself to the throne room of the monarch, hoping that he won't be super-overweight. Instead, Link sees a miniature, much skinnier version of the original King Zora.

"Why are you gawking at me like I'm living sushi?" The mini king certainly has a loud voice for his size.

'_Maybe because you are,_' Link thinks to himself before replying, "I'm not gawking. Where's your daughter, Ruto?"

King Zora scratches his head a little bit in confusion. "Ruto? Oh, her. She's down the gullet of our god, if you know what I mean. She has been playing keep-away from every eligible male she sees. Many people say her looks can kill."

'_Yeah, kill with the horribleness of it all._' Link winces a little at the memory of his first encounter with Ruto. "Want me to drag her back here?"

"Sure. She needs to quit being so anti-social anyway." The monarch stands up and moves out of the way, even though Link could have gone past him without any effort at all.

"WAIT!" Akuro comes running up, holding something blue in her arms.

"What is it now?" Link asks in irritation. He wants to get this whole thing overwith so he can go home.

"You need this." The girl hands him the blue clothing. "It's the Zora Lava Tunic, made especially for outsiders to withstand the lava."

Link takes it slowly. "Uh, thanks, I guess."

"Now there's the problem of my payment," she says with a mischievous glint in her eye.

Already Link has put on the tunic in the same split-second way he does in the game. Picking up on what Akuro is suggesting, Link runs for the tunnel, wondering why in the world he is so attractive to Zoras. He stops at a new discovery: a dragon's head is blocking his way. "Volvagia? What is _she_ doing here?"

The huge dragon has her eyes closed. She sounds as if she is snoring slightly.

"Oh, and sleeping too. Just great. How am I going to get in there?" He moves closer and plugs his nose. "Been eating too much fish lately, girl?" he asks sarcastically. His search for an entrance is short-lived when Volvagia flops over on one side, opening her mouth wide. Link looks disgusted.

"I'm not going in there," he says unconvincingly. He peers down the throat as much as he can, seeing nothing. Link knows that his sapphire ticket out of Lorule lies within this scaly creature, but he doesn't like the idea of walking down her throat nevertheless. "Well, here goes nothing." He quickly maneuvers between Volvagia's large jaws and barely takes a step into the throat when the dragon stirs. Link begins to jump back when the teeth close around him and Volvagia automatically swallows him whole.

Link is falling, and he can do nothing about it. He falls past several Shaboms (those little bubbles) and electric jellyfish, landing right in front of Ruto, face down. He groans and tries to get up again.

"Who are you? How did you get in here!" yells Ruto.

Link finally sits up, then stares. Before him stands the prettiest Zora he has ever seen. Heck, she beats out _any_ woman he has seen in his entire life! Link begins to drool.

"Oh no, not again." Ruto turns around, but it doesn't help matters. "Go away! Tell my father that I won't marry anybody!"

Suddenly, the teen slaps himself, clearing some out-of-place thoughts. "Ruto, I'm going to get you out of here whether you like it or not. Where did you put the Sapphire?"

"Not telling." The Zora crosses her arms in defiance, even though she is still facing away from Link.

"Fine. If you won't tell me, I'll find it myself." He jumps through the appropriate hole in the ground... err, stomach wall.

"Wait, you can't do that!" Ruto yelps as she dives after him.

Link travels calmly throughout Volvagia, trying to ignore with very little success the attractive young lady who is attempting to stop him. Eventually Link does stop, but only because he is thirsty. He reaches for one of his bottles and accidentally pulls out Navi's.

"ONCE I GET OUT OF HERE YOU ARE _SOOOOO_ GONNA PAY, LI-"

"Wrong bottle," Link mutters as he stuffs the fairy back into the bag.

"Hey, you know, you're kinda cute," says Ruto from his shoulder.

Link freezes with the correct bottle in his hand. "That's what everybody says," he responds slowly, willing his eyes not to look in her direction.

"Well, I'm not like all the other girls," Ruto says as she turns Link about to face her.

"I can... see... that," Link manages to utter as his eyes disobediently wander. He slaps himself again, then takes a drink from the bottle to distract himself.

"EVIL!" screams Ruto suddenly.

"Where!" Link whips out his Master Sword, ready to defend his- I mean, the Zora princess.

Ruto points a shaky finger at the object in Link's hand and shrinks back even further.

"Huh?" He looks at it. "Oh, it's just water. Want some?"

"EVIL!"

"What's wrong with it?"

"That _thing_ is poisonous to us Zoras!" Ruto yelps in a tiny voice.

'_What an oxymoron. She swims in lava and is scared of water. What next?_' Link mentally notes as he places the water back into his pouch. "Whatever." He leaves her behind, but not for long. He can hear her fins padding after him.

Finally Link reaches the room where you find the Zora's Sapphire. He stops to think about how to get onto the platform to fetch the stone, but Ruto beat him to the punch. She leaps up and snatches it protectively as it rises up and away. "Go, my faithful Octorok! Destroy him who refuses me!"

Link looks confused. "Refuses?" He has no time to think about it further, because the weird octopus-thing lands with a loud _thud_. Link defeats it easily, having had practice years ago, and moves on. Happy that the gorgeous distraction is gone, Link easily concentrates on reaching Barinade and defeating it. Stepping into the blue light, the Hero of Time lands into the lava in Zora's Fountain. Volvagia has moved out of the tunnel and is nowhere to be seen. Link glances about, sees nobody nearby, and sighs in relief. Suddenly, he is pushed from behind.

"You jerk! You tried to steal my Sapphire!" Ruto accuses him loudly. Link spins about as fast as he can, considering he's afloat in lava, of all things. "I need it!"

"I bet I need it more," Link shoots back without a second thought.

Ruto eyes him strangely. "Yeah, I bet you do, but you're still not getting it."

"I'll kiss you if you give it to me," Link says, half meaning it.

"Really?"

"Yeah..." Quickly, Link slaps himself as another inappropriate thought creeps into his head.

"Here, take it already!" Ruto hands over the Zora Abstinence Stone!

Link double-takes at the previous three words. "Zora... Abstinence Stone!"

"Exactly. C'mere, boy!" Ruto dives for Link, who swims out of the water and races away from Zora's Domain, hoping he will never see that woman again. Quickly, he rushes for the marketplace, determined to get out of this crazy country as soon as possible.

- - -

Meanwhile, a group of happy-go-lucky Zora kids are tying a cage to the end of a fishing line. One grabs the fishing pole and suspends the cage above the fiery Lake Lorulia and slowly dips the contents in. Within the cage are three unlucky Pikachu.

- - -

Pikachu Death Count: 11


	9. Ganondorf vs Linda

Note: It's my seventeenth birthday today! (Nov 19) So to make my day complete, I give you this chappie! Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: See Ch1.

**Chapter 9 – Ganondorf vs Linda, Round One**

Linda rolls to offset most of the impact. She stands again, only to be launched in the air again by Sheik. She grunts upon contact with the ground, then lays on her back. "Why are we doing this again?"

"Look, you need to learn hand-to-hand combat. Weapons are clearly that other guy's strong point, so physically attacking might work. Besides, you've put off the training too long," her Sheikah companion replies. Sheik sits by Linda and smiles down at her. "You're doing pretty well."

"For someone who gets thrown down every three seconds and can't get in a hit. Please! At least be honest with me." The Link look-alike looks defeated. "I can't do it. I'll never get the hang of fighting without my weapons."

Sheik stands up and spreads his arms as if in surrender. "Alright, since you doubt your skills so much, I'll let you get a free shot."

Linda stands as well, glares at him suspiciously, then decides it's all right. She throws a punch as hard as she can. Sheik suddenly, at the last second, snatches the incoming wrist and twists in downward, nearly snapping the bone. This maneuver forces a yelp from Linda. "Not quick enough."

Linda just as quickly uses her free hand to reach over her shoulder, grasping her sword. She had argued for it to stay on her back in case an emergency occurred... such as now. Linda brings down the blade, slamming Sheik into the ground and keeping him down, freeing her previously trapped hand. She leans in close, hissing into his face. "(Beep) you! I shouldn't have trusted you. All you are is a sniveling, decieving, woman-obsessed-" She stops and seems to listen for something.

"Linda?" Sheik asks cautiously. His last little trick is just a joke, but obviously Linda doesn't take things like that lightly. "Can I get up now?"

"Shhhh..." She hushes him as she looks about. "There's another here who has access to the power."

"You mean Darkness?"

"Shh!" Linda stands up slowly, fixing her gaze in a specific direction. "Over there." She sheathes her sword. "I'll be back to finish this."

"But Linda!" Before Sheik could stop her, the tunic-clad woman disappears from his sight. "I have a _bad_ feeling about this..."

- - -

"AHHH!"

Ganondorf sits up, grumpy that his mothers are interrupting his rest for probably the fiftieth time. "Will you two stop acting like complete idiots?"

"Oh, we're not acting," Koume says.

"There is an evil presence in this country, I can feel it in my bones!" Kotake shouts.

"That's me, dimwit," Ganondorf states impatiently, wondering how many more years he will have to put up with them before they die.

"No!" shouts both witches as they hold each other in a frightened embrace. "It's a strong force! It's coming this way!"

(The following has been written by both Kitaiko and Winged Knight. Minor changes have been made.)

Out of curiousity, Ganondorf closes his eyes in an attempt to feel around. He extends his consciousness throughout all of the strange land he is in. He extends his energies to every nook and cranny. His vast mind searches for the negative energy that his mothers feel, and which he now detects as well. This is, of course, impossible because his two mothers are in yet another argument.

He sighs and keeps at it. He has given up trying to make them shut up; it is too arduous and aggravating. He once more extends his consciousness into the flux of energies that helps make up Lorule. He then notices something very important: his mothers have stopped talking. He opens his eyes.

Before him is the person who had ordered him to be thrown into a cell. The very person he has been searching for. He almost grins at how apparently easy this is turning out to be.

"I heard you roughed up some of my boys. You're obviously not the same loser that's sitting in a cell right now."

Ganondorf stands up and brushes himself off a bit, not caring to look at her directly. "So what are you going to do about it?" He says smugly.

"I'm going to kill you."

Ganondorf lets out a deep laugh. He turns his head to the side and spits on the ground. "You're not worth my time. Mom, mommy, you handle her."

The two old ladies seem to snap out of a daze and respond to their son.

"Mom will do anything you ask, Ganny!" Kotake shouts.

"Hey! I'm mom! You're not mom!" Koume yells in indignation.

"Of course I'm mom! Who else would I be?"

"Not mom!"

The air around the two begins to shimmer. Around Koume it ripples with heat; around Kotake it becomes misty with cold. Between the two of them, a stream of mist is rising up. The changes in temperature around the two becomes more apparent and defined, until they each shoots out at the other in anger. The two opposing magic beams hit the opposite sister and blasts them several meters apart. They lay down on the ground, unconscious.

"Why do I even bother with those two?" Ganondorf sighs. He then sees in his peripheral vision that the woman is coming at him with her sword. He attempts to dodge the implement of death, but can't do so completely. He avoids death in exchange for a rather deep cut on his left shoulder. He is bleeding heavily as he turns to face his opponent fully. It is then that he observes something. The wound is already healing over. Ganondorf also feels an increase in his own power.

'_Interesting,'_ the King of Evil thinks silently. He then gets an idea. Ganondorf clutches the wound as if in pain. He pants a bit like one who has just escaped making a fatal error.

Linda smirks at what she sees, then charges once more. Ganondorf attempts to swerve to the side and deliver an attack while she is extended. She doesn't fall for it. As soon as he has turned his body, she changes the direction of her sword from thrusting to a slashing motion. It doesn't have as much force, but it cuts Ganondorf nevertheless. A gash is apparent on his chest as he jumps back to avoid further injury.

The Gerudo male raises his hand and adds heat to the air. A fireball around seven inches in diameter appears, which he shoots out towards Linda. She bats it upwards with her sword like it is nothing. Ganondorf grins, much to Linda's confusion. She then realizes what is going on, and jumps to the right as the fireball hits down where she is previously standing. An explosion twice the size of a man bursts from the ball of flame, shooting up pieces of earth.

Linda rolls to her feet once more and stands ready. Ganondorf's face is tight with anger at how his ploy has failed. Linda almost laughs. As if a bunch of cheap little tricks would work on her. And Sheik thinks she needs work on her strategy, HA!

She once more takes the offensive, slashing and thrusting at her enemy. He keeps dodging and swerving, always narrowly missing getting hit in a vital area. Linda continues trying to get closer, to catch him off guard. She takes notice of something as she attacks him: his wounds have healed over.

She breaks off her attack to assess her target. He is breathing heavily and is hunching over in pain, but he no longer has any wounds on his body. His clothes are slashed and torn in several places, but no cut is shown beneath any of them. The man keeps waiting for her to attack again, until he sees that she has discovered what he has been hiding.

"Finally caught on? Pity," he says as he straightens himself. All images of weakness disappear as he stands tall and strong. Linda gapes. He has been bluffing the whole time. He is barely injured at all!

"Guess it's my turn then," He says as he runs forward. Linda raises her sword in defense, but he avoids the initial strike. True, the sword does graze his neck, but that doesn't seem to bother him. He keeps going forward and delivers a crushing uppercut to Linda's stomach. It is as if his fist is drilling itself into her body. She gasps in pain as her body is launched backwards with its force. Ganondorf follows with a strike to her face that sends her flying. She lands hard on her back. She is a good ten meters from where she had been.

Seeing as her sword is useless, she places it back in its sheath and pulls out her bow. She nocks an arrow and it begins to glow red. Ganondorf frowns; he hasn't been expecting this.

Linda fires the arrow. Ganondorf jumps to the side as it flies by. It explodes somewhere in the distance. Linda prepares another arrow, but Ganondorf wouldn't give her that luxury. He closes the distance rapidly and strikes her on her right side with a roundhouse kick. Linda gasps as she feels some of her ribs break. Ganondorf follows up with a slamming hit with his fist on the left shoulder. Electricity seems to pass through his hand and shocks Linda with its power. Smoke rises from her body as the shocking attack stops. Ganondorf strikes her solar plexus with a palm strike and she falls back once more.

"All too easy." Ganondorf says as he prepares to deliver the finishing blow. Linda desperately thinks of a way to defend herself. She pulls out the Megaton Hammer and slams it onto his right arm. The bone gives way with a resounding crack. Ganondorf screams in true pain from the blow.

Linda does not give up her advantage. She hits him again, this time on his left shoulder. His body seems to lurch and then shoot towards the ground from the force, spinning a little from the angle at which she has hit him. He struggles to get back up, only to receive another blow on his shoulder.

Ganondorf sees that he is losing the battle. He draws on his last trump card, the Triforce of Power. The symbol on the back of his hand glows, then suddenly dies out. He is shocked. Why hasn't it worked? He realizes his problem as Linda delivers the blow that makes his world turn black.

'_This country has opposing energies to everything, even the Triforce. She has the Triforce's opposite.'_

That is the last thought he had before Linda's hammer strikes his back. Ganondorf slips into unconsciousness. His breathing slows and one would think that he is dead. Indeed, Linda believes that very thing. She is too injured and tired to properly check to see. She gathers her bow, puts away her hammer, and limps back to Sheikah Valley, thinking only one thing:

'_Man, Sheik is gonna _kill_ me.'_

- - -

Pikachu Death Count: 11


	10. Revelations

Note: A second chapter in the same day, and only because I love my reviewers!

Disclaimer: See Ch1.

**Chapter 10 – Revelations**

Link swiftly moves through a ruined marketplace until a command reaches his ears: "DUCK!" Immediately, the Hylian lowers his head, narrowly avoiding an airborne brick. It lands behind a sort of makeshift barrier formed by some overturned and fairly unbroken stands. A female head reveals itself, having been hiding behind the barrier.

"Take this, you snake-in-the-grass!" shouts Honey as she flings a brick in the direction of Link. The Hero of Time dodges it, following the projectile with his eyes as it smashes into a second makeshift fortress.

"HA! You missed!" calls a very triumphant-sounding Darling.

Link dives out of the line of fire, landing with a hard thump by the woman who owns Richard the dog. "What's going on here!" he demands while rubbing his now-sore side.

"It happens every day. They come here, they see each other, they fight like cats and dogs. Today it's a brick war again. I guess they are losing ideas," she replies, watching the debate between former lovers.

"Try this for size, backstabber!" Darling swings a large brick into the air towards Honey. A suicidal Pikachu springs up in the block's path, causing it to die on impact, and deflecting the object at the same time. Link grabs his head.

"THIS PLACE IS DRIVING ME UP THE WALL!" he yells in frustration as he makes a dash for the Temple of Destiny. If he dies in the process, so be it. Unfortunately, fate wants to torment Link further, for he reaches the Temple without incident, desperate to escape the madness threatening to engulf him. Link slams the Destiny stones into Rauru's surprised hands. "Here are the three stupid stones!"

Rauru is unable to comprehend Link's outburst. "They are not stupid," he points out.

"Whatever, just GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

"Calm down. I will call Zeldon to bring the Ocarina of Destiny. In the meanwhile, we can have a light snack of carrots."

Link slumps to the floor, exhausted. "I just wanna go home..." he mumbles, rubbing his temples. "Even if it means serving Zelda for the rest of my life." He stares at the temple doors, patiently waiting for the prince to arrive.

- - -

Zeldon shuffles in, head down and eyes lowered, an hour later. Link jumps up as soon as he sights him. "You! A _turtle_ can walk faster than you!"

Zeldon stares at his feet. "I... I can't find it... It's stolen." He tries to hold back tears, whispering the last few words. "I'm sorry, Rauru."

"My prince, how can you lose the most precious artifact we have! We _need_ that ocarina!" reprimands the old Sage of Light.

"I said I was sorry."

"'Sorry' doesn't cut it!" Rauru gets up and begins to pace. "Without that artifact, we cannot open the Door of Destiny. And if we cannot open the Door of Destiny, Lorule will be headed for destruction! You understand, Zeldon?"

The prince doesn't answer. Link, however, perks up at a sudden thought. "No sacred ocarina, huh? I can fix that." He stands and places the Destiny Stones into the proper slots. Producing his own Ocarina of Time, Link plays a specific tune, much to the amazement of Rauru and Zeldon.

"How did you know the Song of Destiny?" asks Rauru unbelievingly.

"Where I come from, it's called the Song of Time," Link answers matter-of-factly.

"Oh yeah? And where _do_ you come from?" Zeldon inquires.

Before Link can reply, the Door of Destiny slowly forces its way open. Rusted by years of disuse, the sliding doors scrape aside inch by inch, generating a lot of noise and dust. The sage, hero, and prince cough and sneeze until the doors stop, only halfway done. The opening is wide enough, however, to allow one to see in it a sword in a pedestal, light shining upon them. The pedestal has an upside-down Triforce emblazed on it.

"I thought you said there are no legendary swords here," accuses Link. He glances at Rauru, waiting for an explanation.

"Oh, _that_ old, rusted stick. An ancestor of mine claimed to possess a sword that the three goddesses granted to him. Everyone found it to be a fake. A wizard tossed the thing into there and sealed the room, but not before casting some unknown, foreign spell onto it. I don't know what will happen if you pull it out. Actually, I don't know if you can even _touch_ it," Rauru finishes.

"Are you telling me," Link begins slowly. "That I risked my behind for three rocks so that I could open a door that leads to a fake sword!"

"Not really," Zeldon steps in. "Rumors abound that say the Sword of Destiny is the real deal; it just needs to be placed into the correct hands."

"At least I know your history lessons weren't wasted on you," Rauru huffs. He turns towards Link. "Go pull out the sword. Perhaps you are the Destined One who is to wield the fabled sword of Lorule."

"Destiny this, destiny that, why does everything in this stupid country have to do with destiny!" Link mumbles as he steps towards the platform. He stands before the pedestal, grabs the hilt, and shuts his eyes. '_So far, so good._' He begins to slide the sword out of its place, but this proves rather difficult. The weapon has been there so long, the rust acts like glue. Grunting, Link pulls harder upwards, and feels it moving. It keeps sliding up ever so slowly. Skywards Links hauls the sword, and it still is not fully out. Link opens one eye and glances at it. '_Why is it so friggin' long?_'

Suddenly, the rest of the blade shoots out, knocking Link backwards. He stares at what to him is the Biggoron Sword. '_What the heck is _this_ thing doing here!_' He wonders in surprise. Link becomes aware of voices behind him.

"Bring it over, Link. We must examine the Sword of Destiny!" says Rauru in an impatient tone.

"Yeah, cucco, quit gawking and haul it over! Or do you want me to help you out?" teases the younger Prince Zeldon.

"I can manage, your royal spoiledness," Link calls back as he stands and brushes off his tunic.

"Hey, I'm NOT spoiled!"

"Certainly sounds like it." Link carries the long sword back to the sage and prince, who look over it ecstatically. The prince quickly loses interest.

"It's completely rusted! I don't think it'll be any good that way," he comments.

"You never know, my prince," Rauru says. He looks at Link, placing his hand upon the blade. "Keep this sword with you. Perhaps it will be of use someday."

'_Riiiiiight_,' Link thinks to himself as he causes the weapon to shrink, easily fitting it into his item bag. "So, what's with that weird version of the Triforce?" He asks, pointing at the pedestal.

"That represents the three goddesses of Lorule," Rauru lectures. "They created the Uniforces, which fit into the shape of the Triforce as shown there, when Lorule was formed."

"Lorule has three goddesses too?" Link wonders, eyes widening.

"Sit down. I'll tell you all about it. You too, Zeldon, I think it would be best if you hear the tale again," Rauru instructs as he sits upon the stand, moving aside one of the Destiny Stones.

Link sits on the ground in front of the old sage, and Zeldon does the same. Wanting a more central seat, Zeldon attempts to shove Link to the side, but instead is shoved back. The Sage of Light clears his throat, causing them to divert their attention to him.

"Good. Now let me begin. Years ago, our country was much larger than it is now, and six goddesses reigned over the entire land. The people were content, and peace reigned for decades. One day, the goddesses began to disagree, and began to fight. One side believed that the country should have been done differently, arranged in an alternate pattern. Their disagreement divided the people, sparking civil war within the ancient country of Hyrule."

"Hyrule!" Link interrupts. "But- but that means-"

"Shut it, Kokiri!" Zeldon jabs his elbow into Link's ribs.

"May I continue? Or is your argument more important?" Rauru asks in warning.

Rubbing his sides, Link nods. "Go ahead."

"That's better. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, the civil war. The many Hylian species began to fight amongst themselves. Zora against Zora, Goron against Goron, Gerudo against Gerudo. Even a few normally peaceful Kokiri rebelled and fled the forest. The Sheikah attempted to keep order among themselves, but could not. Eventually, three of the six goddesses abandoned the others to form their own separate country. They chopped Hyrule in half and claimed the land as their own. What happened to the other three is unknown and lost in history. The three goddesses populated their new land according to their wishes, naming it Lorule."

"Excuse me," Link ventures after a short silence. "But may I ask what these six goddesses' names are?"

Rauru grins. "Our goddesses are: the goddess of power, Cacophony; wisdom, Uryan; and courage, Zephyra."

Link begins to laugh loudly at the rediculous names, but stops when thunder rolls outside ominously. In the meanwhile, Rauru scratches his head, trying to recall the other three names.

"Oh yeah, the other three are I believe Din, Nayru, and something that starts with F."

"Farore!" Link shouts. "How can you forget Farore, my patron goddess!"

"Your... patron goddess?" Zeldon begins in a suspicious tone. "Does that mean you're from the fabled land of Hyrule? The other side?" He starts to look excited again, along with Rauru.

"Uh." Link can't think of a thing to say. His thoughts are running about rapidly, all colliding and merging into a single phrase. '_Time to spill the beans, Linky, because you just let the cat out of the bag_.' He draws a breath, then attempts to explain. "Yes, I'm a Hylian. In fact, I'm the Hero of Time there. I stumbled into this place by accident while under the orders of my princess, Zelda."

"Zelda?" The prince looks as if he's imagining something and liking it. "Your girlfriend, perhaps?"

"Heck no! I wouldn't wed her in a million years!" shouts Link hotly.

"Good. All the better for me."

Rauru cuts into the conversation suddenly, having remembered something. "Link, there's something you might do for us."

"Like what?"

"Ganondorf has recently invaded the marketplace, trashing the entire area and setting it ablaze. I won't believe that he is really Ganondorf. Yet there are multiple witnesses who attest to recognizing him easily. Is there anything you can do to clear his name?"

Without a second thought, Link replies, "Drag the real Ganondorf over and force him to confess, though that's a near impossible task by itself."

"'Real' Ganondorf?"

'_Me and my big mouth._' "Hyrule has its own villian, who goes by the name of Ganondorf. He looks just like yours, actually," Link answers.

"Then that must be it. Perhaps you can bring him here?"

"Look, Rauru, I have enough worries trying to get home. I don't want to stay in this country one second longer than necessary! So if you don't mind, capture him yourself." Link crosses his arms, mind made up.

Rauru sighs in defeat. "Alright. I will try to determine a way for you to leave Lorule. In the meanwhile, perhaps you can fulfill your destiny and rid us of our own enemy, Linda. A legend of ours foretold that one from the ancient country of Hyrule would come to help remove our troubles. He shall be crowned the new hero of the land. I believe it refers to you."

"Yeah, yeah, saving countries from mass destruction is my job anyway. So, what can you tell me about this girl, Linda?"

"She is a master thief who resides in Sheikah Valley. She causes herself to take on a masculine look by wearing her magic-laced Kokiri Tunic. It's an illusion. Linda is filled with dark energy, which she uses in her weapons. That is all I can tell you, because that is all I know."

"So what exactly are you trying to tell me? I can't fight with a rusted sword," Link points out.

Zeldon's face lights up suddenly. "I've got an idea! There's yet another tale! It says you must collect the six medallions from the six temples and present them to Biggoron, who resides at the top of Life Mountain. There he will give you a powerful gift to use."

Link glances at the tiny Destiny Sword in his item bag. '_Swords can't get any larger than this, can they?_' he thinks to himself. '_Ah, who cares? If it's powerful, it's good enough for me!_' "Alright, six medallions, six temples. Gotcha." Link leaves the Temple of Destiny, wishing he could have seven years worth of rest first.

- - -

In Sheikah Valley, Sheik is fidgeting in his seat. A nearby Sheikah tries to look reassuring.

"Don't worry. Mistress Linda will be fine. She said so herself."

"I have this crazy premonition that she's _not_ fine!" Sheik shouts in frustration at the same moment as Linda walks in, beaten and bloody. He runs over immediately, checking over the severity of the wounds. "Holy (beep), what the (beep) happened to you!"

"Please... spare me the language," Linda manages to say before she collapses in her friend's arms. He looks about and spies the waiting Sheikah.

"You!" The other looks at his master and points to himself. "Yes, you! Get some bandages here, pronto! Can't you see she's bleeding to death! What's the matter with you? MOVE!" He cradles Linda in his arms. "You look like a punching bag for a Stalfos," he mutters without thinking, evoking a small response.

"Worse."

"You'll have to tell me about that later. First I need to attend to your wounds." He carries Linda to her room, where he begins first-aid.

- - -

Koume and Kotake finally awaken from their tiny spat. The first thing they see is their adopted son Ganondorf, who lays still on the ground before them. His clothes are torn and he doesn't seem to be breathing, so the two mothers come to a single conclusion simultaneously.

"Oh my goddesses!" Both shout as they spring to their feet. They run about like the mad idiots they are, waving their hands above their heads. "Call the doctor! Call the witch doctor! Call some _witches_ at least!"

Suddenly, Koume screeches to a halt. "Wait, aren't we witches?" She asks intelligently.

"But we don't know how to heal, do we?" Kotake counters as she stops as well.

The both run about again in circles. "WHAT DO WE DO? WHAT DO WE DO?" They glance at each other. "What _are_ we doing!"

- - -

Pikachu Death Count: 12


	11. Truce

Note: I know, you all may be wondering where I'm heading with all this fighting nonsense and whatnot. Well, this is your chapter! Prepare for strange events and crazy happenings.

SecondNote: I am especially cruel to two Pikachu here, so be forewarned.

Disclaimer: See Ch1, AGAIN!

**Chapter 11 – Truce**

Link sits against a tree near to GoGo Ranch (he finally has noticed the sign indicating its name) and contemplates all he has learned in the last chapter. Thinking for longer than ten seconds makes his head hurt, however, so he begins stating the obvious.

"So Lorule and Hyrule share a common ancestry? One country split by civil war... was that the same war that forced my mother to give me to the Great Deku Tree?" He sighs in frustration. "This is getting more and more complicated every day." Out of the corner of his eye, he sees what looks like two ladies running about, flailing their arms frantically. Behind them is a figure who appears to be sleeping in the grass. Link decides he has nothing better to do and walks over.

Suddenly, the two women spy the approaching Hylian and rushes over, trying to push each other out of the way. The red-head shouts, "Help! Our little boy is hurt!"

"Help him, please, mister!" begs the other. Slowly, she starts to recognize to whom (grammar… ugh) she is talking to. "Aren't you that Hero of Time guy?"

The figure on the ground attempts to move, then groans from the pain. The two witches-whom-you-should-recognize-by-now race to the one-who-you-recognize-by-now-as-well!

"Need some help, sonny?" inquires Koume.

"The best help you can give me at the moment is to leave me alone," the Gerudo King states tightly.

Link's eyes widen as he finally recalls exactly who is laying before him. "_Ganonodorf!_"

The King of Evil cautiously pushes himself into a sitting position, being careful not to place pressure on his broken arm. He has just now awakened, which is the reason he hasn't had time to attempt a healing spell. Ganondorf looks himself over slowly, then chuckles. "That was interesting."

Koume and Kotake are ecstatic. "GANNY! You're alright!" they exclaim as they pounce onto him from either side. Of course, one of them happens to hug the broken arm tightly.

"OWWWWWWW!" Ganondorf shoves his mothers off. "Watch it, that _hurts!_"

"But Ganny, we were worried about you," chime in the two hags.

"How many times must I tell you, _don't call me Ganny!_"

"Is this a typical day with your family, Ganondorf?" interrupts Link, who has an amused look on his face.

"What the-? Link!" The King of Evil hasn't been expecting this nuisance to show up. He tries to stand, grimacing from the pain. "When I find that girl again..." he mumbles, barely loud enough for his opponent to hear.

Link's brain finally registers something. It has been on the fritz for a while. "You've met Linda, haven't you?"

Ganondorf starts the healing spell, although he answers his adversary anyway with a simple "So?"

Link laughs hard, on the verge of tears. "_Oh my goddesses!_ Ganondorf, baddest of the bad guys, Evil King of the Gerudo, got beaten by a _GIRL! _This is priceless! I gotta tell the sages _this_ one when I get home!"

Ganondorf glares at the laughing green-clad menace before him, thoughts of the many ways to kill him flooding his mind. Suddenly, he forms a plan. The simplicity of it is so absurd, it nearly makes him laugh as well. Ganondorf tries his best to contain his anger and talk sensibly... an incredible feat. "Obviously you have met Linda as well, correct?"

"No duh, Sherlock."

"Good. We both have a common enemy. Let's call a truce: You heal me, I help you defeat Linda. Deal?" He holds out a hand calmly, despite an urge to choke his enemy with it.

Link looks at Ganondorf strangely. "You really think I'm _that_ stupid? If you want to defeat Linda, beat her yourself. Oh wait, you didn't win last time!" He begins laughing again. Koume and Kotake begin beating him with their brooms.

"Leave him alone, you big bully!" shouts one of them.

The other takes a big swing, snapping her own broom in half. "Take this, for laughing at my Ganny!"

Ganondorf wonders how they ever graduated from witch school, then jerks them away from Link. "Excuse my mothers for their behavior," he forces out against his will. "Now, how about that deal?"

Link eyes him suspiciously. "How do I know you're not going to kill me as soon as I heal you?"

"Oh, our Ganny's trustworthy!" yelps Kotake in sudden happiness.

Koume hugs her son on the broken arm again. "We trust him to take over the world, and that's what he's gonna do!"

An anime stress mark appears on Ganondorf's head. "You two are _not_ helping. Now BACK OFF!" He shoves his mothers off and cradles the throbbing arm.

Meanwhile, Link takes out the Ocarina of Time from his item pouch and considers it. "I bet I'm going to regret this..." he mutters to himself.

Ganondorf seizes his chance. "And you know what, I'll even throw in a bonus! When we defeat Linda, I'll take you home for no charge, just shipping and handling!"

Link brightens considerably at the prospect of going back to Hyrule. He plays the Song of Healing quickly, restoring the Gerudo King's health.

Upon regaining his usual uninjured status, Ganondorf seizes Link and begins to drag him. "Let's go."

"Why? Where are we going!" questions Link in utter confusion.

"You haven't figured out by now that this country mirrors your adventures in Hyrule!" growls the King of Evil. "First you collected three stones; one each from the Kokiri, Gorons, and Zora."

"How'd you know?"

"Shut up and listen! After my wonderful seven-year reign, you emerged from hiding and collected six medallions from each of the sages."

Link's brain clicks. "Wait, Rauru said something about six medallions. We have to collect them and take them to Biggoron, who is waiting on top of Life Mountain, wherever that is. We can get a powerful gift from him that can help us defeat Linda!"

"Good. You find three, I find three, we meet in the marketplace. Understand?" Ganondorf stops temporarily to look back at Link.

"Yeah, what you said," Link answers in a daze. The head injury he had received just before his adventures in Zora's Domain begins to throb painfully, making thinking out of the question.

"Alrighty then, I'll take Forest, Spirit, and Shadow. You get Fire, Water, and Light." With that, Ganondorf takes off without Link, not waiting for acknowledgement or acceptance.

Link tries to recall what has just happened in the last minute, but can only retrieve which medallions he has to get. "Wait, Water? Oh man, I don't want to go to the Water Temple!" he groans. Resigning to his fate, he approaches Epona, who is still grazing near to Kakariko. The horse looks up and neighs happily. Link passes her and enters Kakariko Village again, heading for the Fire Temple.

Link avoids the carpenters who are now diligently working on the staircase Linda blasted with a Dark Arrow. He also manages to ignore the gay banker/beggar who is suggesting in a very obvious manner what he wants. Beside the potion shop, Link encounters a certain familiar redhead. "Malon, what are you doing here?"

She turns to face him, a bottle in hand and a smile splitting her face. "Delivering milk, of course. The finest GoGo Milk! It's Go-Good!"

"Sounds like some sort of drug," Link mutters. The headache he had when being dragged by Ganondorf has subsided by now, though he doubts that it left him for good.

"Try some," Malon says as she shoves the bottle into Link's face. The picture of a happy, cross-eyed cow, tongue sticking out, holding a bottle filled with something white, confirms Link's suspicions that the drink is intoxicating.

"No thanks." Link pushes the milk away from him politely.

"Have some anyway!" With that, Malon thrusts it into the Hylian's item pouch.

Resigning, Link makes a mental note to toss the contents out later and keep the bottle as a replacement for the two he has broken already because of that lunatic fairy, Navi. He begins to calmly walk towards Death- err, Life Mountain when Malon pulls a long metal rod from nowhere.

"Oh yeah, you forgot your branding, boy, so I might as well give it to ya here!" She wields the brand like a weapon, heading straight for Link. The latter immediately takes off for the mountain.

- - -

At Goron City, Darunia is conversing with his son. The little guy is wondering where babies come from, and the Goron leader is attempting to explain how they come from rocks, which is why you never see any female Gorons. Tired of talking, Darunia rubs his belly. "Man, I need something to eat. I bet Grasshopper would've tasted de-lish!"

"Yeah, pops!" The little Goron chimes in, just as Link dashes in at top speed, hurtling right off the edge of the uppermost floor. He lands face-down at Darunia's and the kid's feet.

Darunia looks up and clasps his hands in awe. "The Goddesses are quick!"

Link moans, lifts his face off the ground, and spots the two standing right in front of him. They look hungry. As quickly as possible, Link scoots away from them. "Y-you're not g-g-gonna eat me, right?" he stutters in fear.

"Naw, Grasshopper. The barbecue's over. We had a great time eating Volvagia. Have you ever eaten dragon meat before? It tastes like... well, dragon!"

"Volvagia? But isn't she the Zora goddess?"

"She is? Oh, I didn't know. We were looking for a good replacement for you, and asked the Zora king if we could have her. He said he had no more use for Volvagia, so we took her and had a great meal!"

"Oh... okay..."

"Hey! Now that you're here, we might as well use you."

"But I thought you said-!"

"No, not that way. I meant in the Fire Temple. Meet me there." With that, Darunia zooms out of Goron City.

"How'd your dad get so fast?" Link asks of the smaller Goron.

"Foot races," the kid replies.

"Oh, you mean when they roll down a track?"

"Nah. They run on their feet. Dad's been known to complete a mile in three minutes."

Link stares at the boy in utter surprise for a few seconds, then shakes his head and mutters something about how little kids always exaggerate. He makes his way through the shortcut, switching into his Goron Tunic upon entering Life Mountain Crater. Link begins climbing down the ladder leading to the Fire Temple when... a rung breaks and he falls down, landing on his back!

"I _hate_ you, authoress!"

Aww, I feel loved now. Anyway- what did you say about me, Link!

"I'm not going to say it again, because you'd kill me if I do."

As I was saying, Link reaches the room where Darunia is waiting for him. "There you are, Cricket!" calls the Goron leader.

"Whatever happened to 'Grasshopper'?" Link asks absent-mindedly.

"I found out it was copyrighted by Romani of Termina, and I'm getting my tail sued this weekend. She's not very happy, obviously."

"I can tell. So, what do you want me to do? Free all of your fellow Gorons and smash down the pillar?" He points upwards to emphasize what he's referring to.

"Almost. You see, someone stole our Pikachu stash and put them in cages scattered around in here. Free them all, and perhaps bring them back to Goron City. Maybe you could dine on Pikachu with me!"

Link nearly feels sick. "No, that's alright. I'll be fine just finding them, thank you."

"Great! I'll be back." Darunia enters the boss room.

With that, Link goes on his merry way, freeing Pikachu and solving puzzles. The Pikachu are quite stubborn; they refuse to go with Link, ending up getting run over by a rock or impaled by the sword of the frustrated Kokiri. Finally, Link makes it to the room where you receive the Megaton Hammer. He stands beside the pillar to be whacked, takes out his Hammer, raises the weapon above his head, swings it as hard as he can— and halts at the sight of the pre-evolution to Pikachu.

"Aww, it's a cute little Pichu," Link cooes as he kneels down to pet it. The little electric mouse rubs its head against the kind hand.

"Pichu!"

"Let's be friends!" Link says happily. Right then, the Pokemon begins to glow white and change. "What the-?"

Ash Ketchum appears out of nowhere and shouts like the idiot he is, "I think it's evolving!"

Link glares at him. "Where did _you_ come from?"

Ash rubs his head, trying to think. "I don't know." He turns to someone else who happens to be there. "Where did we come from, Brock?"

Intelligently, Brock answers, "Pencils and paper!"

Ash sweatdrops, and the now-evolved was-a-Pichu stops glowing. It waves to you readers. "Pikachu!"

Link looks at it wide-eyed. "Oh my goddesses! It's a Pikachu!" Completely ignoring the two trainers from the world of Pokemon, he smashes his Megaton Hammer as hard as he can onto the offending animal. Blood and guts spatter everywhere while the pillar falls down. Link glances at the two shocked trainers. "Tell Officer Jenny about this, and I'll have both of your hides," he says in a deep, menacing tone. The two nod quickly and disappear to where they belong.

Link puts away the hammer without bothering to clean it, then jumps down, stomping on the Pikachu's crushed corpse for good measure. He goes over to the boss room and unlocks it with the key he has found along the way. Link pauses as he attempts to predict who is the new boss of this temple.

'_Volvagia is eaten and gone, and Morpha has already been done for. Barinade was _in_ Volvagia, and I defeated it too. So who is it this time?_'

Link steps into the room, which is now nothing but a deep lake filled with water and a ledge circling it. Confirming Link's prediction, Lord Jabu-Jabu rears his very ugly head out of the water and stares at him with menacing eyes. "Grr."

Link falls over with laughter. "That's the best you can do! That was _P-I-T-I-F-U-L_!" He stops as he hears the music that plays while battling a wild Pokemon. "What the-?"

Jabu-Jabu takes this opportunity to make his first move. He uses Stinky Breath Attack!

Link holds his nose against the smell. "Whoa, what did you eat this morning?"

Out of the blue, a heroic Pikachu moves in front of Link. "Pika!" The Pokemon gathers all of its energy for a single blow: a gigantic Thunder Attack. The overgrown fish dies immediately, ending the Pokemon battle music. The mouse looks exhausted.

Link glares at the animal, fury rising up in him. "That was MY kill, you freak! _You will die in his place!_" With that, the Hylian annihilates it without a single thank-you. He makes sure that it is chopped beyond recognition, then notices the ring of blue on the other side of the pool of water. He dives in, enjoying the warmth of the natural hot spring and staying in there for a Hylian day. Afterwards Link steps into the blue light, allowing himself to be deposited outside Dodongo's Cavern again, where Darunia is waiting.

"Where are all the Pikachu?" The Goron asks.

"They tragically died."

"Oh." Darunia looks downcast for a moment, then brightens. "They were getting boring anyway. I'll give you this Fire Medallion for helping." He hands Link the red disk. The Hero of Time takes it and looks it over.

"Just one question. If it's filled with water in there, why is it called the Fire Temple?"

Daruina scratches his head in a vain attempt to recall the answer. "Uhh... I dunno. Tradition, I guess."

"Tradition?"

"From long, long ago."

"_How _long ago?"

"Don't know. From before Lorule, I guess."

'_Before Lorule? As in, Hyrule? Ow,_' Link thinks to himself, stopping only because the throbbing pain has returned with a vengence. He presses one hand against his head, thanks Darunia quickly, then leaves the town, barely noticing that one of the houses is on fire. A Kokiri stands near it, giggling and holding a lighter.

- - -

Pikachu Death Count: 23 (I killed an extra at home... a mouse dubbed Pikachu before execution)


	12. Forest and Water

Disclaimer: See Ch1.I also don't own Finding Nemo and WinterFresh gum.

**Chapter 12 – Forest and Water**

Link sits beside Epona, attempting to decide which temple to go to next, despite the pounding headache that has reappeared. He turns toward the mare and grins. "I say I should go get the Light Medallion. It's the easiest, right, girl?"

Epona neighs.

Hold on, why is he talking to his HORSE!

"Hey, she's a special horse!" Link says in her defense, earning a confirming nod from Epona.

Something that sounds like glass shattering is heard, and Navi flies out of the item pouch. If she has a face, it is twisted in pure fury. Evidently the excess caffeine has worn off. "THAT'S IT!" shouts the enraged pixie. "I've had enough of you trapping me in bottles and taking advantage of me! Now you'll pay!" She begins to fly in a small circle, chasing herself. "Take that!"

Link watches a little, then shakes his head. "Navi, I'm right here."

"Ah-ha! There you are!" With a wild war cry, Link's personal fairy begins attacking the green hat. "I'll rip your eyes out!"

Ignoring Navi's crazed attempt on his life, Link walks over to the Temple of Time, where he encounters Rauru doing sit-ups. Link stands beside him and asks, "Do you have the Light Medallion?"

"Nope," answers the sage, who gets up and heads for some weights.

"If you don't have it, who does?"

"It's in the Light Temple."

"What?" Link can't believe his ears. "There's a Light Temple here!"

"Yeah. I don't suppose Hyrule has one, am I right?"

"Correct." Link doesn't hear Rauru's next question, because he is already out of the door. He makes his way over to Epona again. "Looks like the Water Temple's up next. Let's go to the lake. How about it?"

Epona neighs.

Can't she ever say anything else!

"She's a horse, stupid. Of course she can't talk," Link answers matter-of-factly. He rides Epona to Lake Lorulia, dismounts, then heads over to the scarecrows for a quick chat. "Hey, Pierre!"

"Yo, wassup!" shouts Pierre the scarecrow.

"Anything new happen lately?"

"I saw this _gorgeous_ Zora dive into the lake! What a Zora!"

"Oh no..." Link says in dismay.

"I wanna be a Zora too!" cries Pierre. He begins to cry wildly, causing Link to back away in fear.

"O-kay..." Link says, then he turns and runs for the scientist guy's house. He is leaning over the pool, cackling about an atomic bomb. Link dashes out again, slamming the door behind him and leaning against it, eyes wide with terror. "That... was _freaky!_" Hoping that the fisherman is more sane, he goes there. Everything appears normal.

"Oh, hello. Want to see my fish?" asks the fisherman.

"Yeah. How much does it take to go fishing?"

The fisherman looks apalled. "How _dare _you want to go fishing! You should be ashamed of yourself. Fish are friends, not food! SAVE THE FISH!" He takes out a picket sign and begins parading around his fish pool with it.

Link gets out of there as fast as possible. He stands on the shore, looking out over the lava. He barely remembers that Navi is still attacking his poor hat. Link shrugs and switches into the Zora Lava Tunic. He wants to put on the Iron Boots, but the lava would melt them on contact, so he will have to do without. Link dives in and swims to the entrance. When he gets inside the Temple, everything is exactly the same as the Hylian Water Temple.

"Darn. I thought I could be lucky. The opposite of complex is simple. Why didn't that happen?"

Because I want to make your life more miserable.

"Quit talking to me! The audience must be sick and tired of you doing that already anyway." With that, Link swims into the first passage, hoping against hope that a certain someone isn't here. Unfortunately, he's not that lucky.

"LINK!"

"Crap," is all Link manages to say just before getting hugged and smothered by kisses from Ruto. He doesn't care about that. At the moment, his attention is drawn by her... chest area, might I say.

"I knew you were going to show up sooner or later, so I waited for you here!" Ruto explains when she finally releases the object of her affection.

Link slaps himself in a vain attempt to clear his mind of some wayward thoughts. "Yeah. So... could you-"

"Come with me," the fish-lady says with a wink. She begins swimming up through the vertical passage.

Immediately, Link starts thinking very perverted thoughts. He shoots up after her before halting the thoughts with a slap. When he reaches the top, Link finds Ruto there, waiting for him to- he slaps himself again for the third time since he's entered this temple.

Quickly, before he could get more ideas, Link whips out his ocarina and lowers the lava level. He jumps down the vertical hall, hearing Ruto curse loudly above him. A looooooong while later, Link finally is able to enter the room in which you find Dark Link. He unlocks the door and places his hand upon the doorknob.

"I wonder what the guy's doing right now?" he inquires out loud as he turns the knob and pulls it open.

- - -

Ganondorf stands before Kokiri Forest, considering his plan from all angles. It is perfect. Flawless. There is no way Link can ruin it. No matter what, Ganondorf finds himself winning in his mind. _Perfect_.

"Ganny, I'm tired!" complains Koume loudly.

Kotake flops over onto the ground. "Can we take a short rest?"

Almost perfect. Unfortunately, the plan does not include these two idiots. Ganondorf will have to remove them temporarily.

"If you two weren't running around, yelling your heads off, you wouldn't be tired by now," he points out as he tries thinking of a way to get rid of them.

"But Ganny, we were worried about you!" chirps Kotake from the grass.

Ganondorf twitches at the sound of the nickname. "Don't you two have brooms?"

Koume holds out the brooms. "They broke."

"How about you two bother someone else, say, a prisoner in the dungeon?"

The two mothers brighten at the idea. "Sure thing, Ganny!" They hobble off towards Sheikah Valley. Ganondorf watches them leave. When he is sure they have left for good, he walks into the forest. It isn't long before he is greeted by adults.

"Who the (beep) are you!" shouts Mido as he cowers behind a bush.

"It doesn't really matter, does it?" Ganondorf replies easily, enjoying the boy's look of sheer terror. A weight hangs on one arm; the King of Evil finds Saria holding it in a feeble attempt to pull him away.

"Get out of my (beep)ing forest, (beep)hole!" she yells inbetween tugs.

Ganondorf smirks, then backhands the brat into Mido. Leaving them to their own business, he turns and finds himself face-to-face with a mob of Kokiri. They are each waving lit lighters towards him, as if threatening to burn him alive. That appears incredibly funny to Ganondorf, however. They stare in confusion as he begins to laugh his trademark laugh.

"You really think some lighters scare me? Watch this; maybe you'll learn something!" The wizard shoots a huge fireball at the Lost Woods, causing the entire thing to catch on fire. He admires his work for a few seconds before he notices something in the corner of an eye. All of the Kokiri are bowing to him, faces to the ground.

"We are not worthy, oh great King of Fire," Saria intones in amazement and respect.

"Please, teach us your fire-making ways!" begs her cowardly servant, Mido.

Ganondorf stands there, surprised, for a few minutes before regaining his thoughts. So they believe he is their ruler? This will make things more interesting. "I will reveal my secrets... if you all will help me in my small quest."

All of the Kokiri sit up straight, awaiting their orders. Ganondorf begins to feel somewhat uncomfortable from all of the sincere attention he is getting, for this is perhaps the first time he has ever gotten truly loyal subjects that weren't hypnotized first. He clears his throat. "I am searching for the Forest Medallion. Do you have it, Saria?"

Saria bows to the floor again. "Mighty King, I do not possess that which you seek. A phantom of a childhood acquaintance has stolen it from me. It currently resides within the Forest Temple. Please do not punish your servant for her mistake!"

"Hush, peasant." Ganondorf thinks over the situation, then grins. "Alright, if this phantom has it, we will take it back!"

A few hours later, the Gerudo King arrives at the temple atop a plush chair held aloft by four Kokiri. He sips a tropical drink and looks over his sunglasses. "We're there already? Hmm." He slides off the chair with ease, handing the drink to one of the bearers. "Have it. You may share it with one of the others as well." He leaves behind the sound of four squabbling, arguing men.

Inside the temple, Ganondorf watches as the Poes make off with the flames and the elevator lowers into the floor. He snaps his fingers once, sending a mob of pyromaniac forest-dwellers throughout the temple. Ganondorf chuckles as he observes his subjects setting aflame the building and hunting down the ghosts. Suddenly, the final one appears in the center. Kokiri from every corner emerge, bearing down on the Poe. It shrieks as it dies, raising the elevator.

Ganondorf snaps again, halting everyone in their tracks. He strides through the crowd, which parts upon approach. He stands in front of the elevator, then smirks. A quick spell turns it into wood. The newly crowned "King of Fire" places one hand upon the wooden structure, causing it to burst forth into flames. Ganondorf tries not to laugh as the Kokiri cheer loudly.

'_This can't be real. I can't possibly be enslaving a bunch of Lorulians through a cheap trick I learned at the age of two!_'

The villian tosses aside his sunglasses as the fire dies down, preparing to jump into the newly created hole in the floor. He nearly jumps down when a tiny voice stops him.

"Sir? If you may, could you demonstrate your power again, but this time on this animal?"

Ganondorf spins around to see a kid, perhaps ten years old, holding up a Pikachu. He reaches down, snatches the Pokemon, and sets it on fire in his hand. He sprinkles the ashes onto the floor. "Anything else?"

All of the Kokiri slam their foreheads into the floor and reply in unison, "No, almighty king!"

Ganondorf humphs in reply and leaps down. He is followed by a rope, which allows the rest to descend without injury. He leads them to the arena where the phantom awaits. "Here we are." The Gerudo King steps towards the center.

A dark figure steps through a wall, followed by a horse. It looks exactly like Linda, but with two fundamental differences. This particular ghost has a more feminine build, and long hair swishes behind her. The Kokiri yelp as spikes arise at the entrance to the arena. Ganondorf doesn't care, however. This phantom will be a good stress reliever before he can destroy the original.

Phantom Linda mounts her horse and brandishes her sword. Spurring it forward, she leaps into a painting in an imitation of Ganondorf's own phantom. The King of Evil couldn't care less. He turns and melts the spikes blocking his subject's path. Pointing at the paintings, he gives a single command: "Burn them."

The Kokiri whoop in delight as they swarm into the arena, piling on top of each other to reach each of the paintings. The place becomes brighter in the light of the multiple large fires. When the final one is set aflame, Phantom Linda's horse propels out of it. The rider bounds off in mid-air, sword slicing the air. Ganondorf dodges the incoming attack, then throws one of his energy spheres at her. It disperses on contact, not causing any damage at all.

"What the-?"

Phantom Linda spins, driving her sword into his side and sending him flying into the wall. A low voice emerges from nowhere yet everywhere at once.

"You will never defeat me. I am invulnerable to dark energy attacks. I have triple Linda's strength and ten times the stamina. I have twice her speed and agility. Linda is pathetic compared to me."

"We'll see about that!" Ganondorf shouts as he signals his crazed followers to attack the ghost. She flies into the air, which gives the sorcerer room to snatch her and slam her into the earth with ground-shattering force. He quickly realizes that her weakness, strangely enough, is fire; Phantom Linda arises again, shrieking as the flames from the Kokiri's lighters engulf her. Ganondorf decides he might as well end this himself with a pyrotechnic technique. He channels a lot of fire energy into his fist, which he drives into the ground. A tower of flame bursts from beneath Phantom Linda, enveloping her, ending her existence.

The Kokiri stare at the tower, which disappears when Ganondorf lifts his hand. It is then that he notices a few curious people examining the horse, which has not been destroyed yet. One of them leads the animal over. "Can we keep 'em, sire?"

"Sure. I don't care what you do to it." Ganondorf struts out of the temple and settles back into his comfy lift. He realizes that something is missing. "Wait, where is my medallion?"

Saria races over and slides into a bow before his feet, presenting the green disk. "I have found it, sire!" she exclaims without really needing to.

"Right. Just give it to me," Ganondorf plucks the medallion out of Saria's hands and pockets it. After a very enjoyable ride back to the forest, the King of Evil prepares to head for the Spirit Temple. He is stopped by Mido, however.

"If y-you don't m-m-mind, sir, we- I mean, your loyal subjects would really like it you could... if you could stay here and lead us! We can become mighty warriors if you remain with us." Mido keeps his face plastered to the grass, despite a fire ant that bites him.

"You really think I want to waste my time with you pathetic excuses for minions?" Ganondorf steps onto the cowering idiot, walking to the entrance. "I'd rather enslave Lorule the hard way. It's much more satisfying than keeping them happy with a fire show." Quickly, the King of Fire makes his way to the Spirit Temple, anticipating a meeting with the Spirit Sage, whoever he – or she – may be.

- - -

Koume and Kotake enter the Sheikah Fortress Dungeon, finding Ganny, the Lorulian hero. They rush over.

"Hi! Our sonny told us to bother a prisoner, so since you look just like him, we'll bother you!" Kotake greets him.

Koume tries to think of something witty to say, then gives up. "Yeah, what she said!"

Kotake looks at her sister. "Alright. One, two, three."

The witches begin singing at the top of their lungs. "I know a song that drives everybody crazy, everybody crazy, everybody crazy! I know a song that drives everybody crazy, and this is how it goes! I know a song that drives everybody crazy..."

Ganny places his head into his hands. "Why me? Why _me_!"

Suddenly, as if in response to the Gerudo's misery, a door opens. Two old wizards enter and approach Ganny's cell.

"We came as fast as we can when we heard the news," says one with flaming red hair.

"Yeah. But our brooms broke down and we got it fixed by some sweet chicks along the way, so that's why we're late!" explains the other.

Koume jabs Kotake. "You see them?"

"I ain't lost my eyesight yet, sis."

The Lorulian version of Koume turns to look at his counterpart. "Ah, and who might you be?"

Koume turns fiery red in the face. "K-K-Kotake, what's my name again?"

Kotake sighs. "Koume, sis."

"I'm Fuego. Nice to meet you, hottie."

The other man pushes aside the first. "And you're Kotake? Name's Hielo."

Kotake takes out some WinterFresh gum and chews it. "'Sup?"

"Hey, aren't you two supposed to bust me out of here!" shouts Ganny from within his cell.

Fuego takes Koume's hand, ignoring his son's call for help. "You play chess?"

Kotake snatches Hielo's arm. "We love chess! Let's go!"

The four old people walk out of the dungeon, forgetting the lone Gerudo.

- - -

Linda examines a mask closely, tracing its features with a finger. Sheik sits by her, watching. The silence is finally broken by the female. "This would fetch a large amount of rupees, wouldn't it?"

Sheik looks at it for a few more seconds, then responds, "Perhaps. Depends on how valuable it is, of course. I'd say... a couple hundred rupees."

"It should be worth more if my doppleganger is carrying it around. I stole it off of him. Five hundred."

"People can carry worthless stuff if they feel like it, Linda. Just because he has it doesn't mean it's worth a lot."

"Not him. I get the feeling that what he's not the extravagant kind of guy. All he carries are what he needs."

"Then why would he need a mask?"

Linda puts it down with a sigh. "I am still trying to figure that out."

A Sheikah pokes hs head in through a door. "Mistress Linda? That guy you told us to watch for has arrived at Lake Lorulia."

Linda gets up, placing the mask on a table. "That's my cue."

Sheik, unable to resist anymore, hugs Linda and gives her a kiss. He is rewarded by being slammed into the floor with the Lorulian Master Sword pressed hard against his throat.

"Don't you _ever_ do that again. I'm your superior, and you had better respect that, no matter what your feelings are for me," Linda says slowly in a threatening tone, looking for all the world as if she is ready to kill him at the slightest movement. Rising, she gives Sheik one last warning glance, then leaves.

Sheik swears loudly, punching the wall in anger at the same time. He curses again, this time out of pain. The fates are unkind to men, it seems...

- - -

Note: The last sentence came out of the blue. And it appears to be true, but it's not a sexist comment. I just happen to pick on the boys mostly. You can blame that on the fact I'm a girl. Now... review!

Pikachu Death Count: 24


	13. Link vs Linda, Round 2

Note: I used to have SilverHikari in this chapter, but I removed her so that the authorities can't use that against me. Sorry, Silver!

**Chapter 13 – Link vs. Linda, Round 2**

Link opens the door in the Water Temple, expecting a twisted "Light Link" or something just as rediculous to greet him. Instead what he finds is Dark Link tied to the tree in the center, knocked out by whoever tied him there. The tree is on an island, fortunately, which is surrounded by lava rather than water.

Link instinctively places his hand to his sword's hilt, looking about for the attacker.

"It took you long enough to get here," says a familiar voice from behind the tree.

Link slides out his Master Sword quickly, recognizing the voice. The owner of it steps out from behind the tree, wearing her Zora Lava Tunic. Her feminine form is obvious now. Link looks at her up and down. "So only your Kokiri Tunic causes that illusion."

Linda chuckles. "They told you about it, huh? Well, did they tell you this?" She grins as she pulls off her hat, allowing a cascade of blonde hair to fall down her back, ending at her waist.

Link automatically grabs his lucky green headgear, remembering the few times that people would pull it off. "You hide your hair in your hat! _That's_ why people kept taking mine!"

"Exactly. You're a bright one, for a newcomer." Linda slips the hat back on, but leaves her hair hanging down her back. She draws her own version of the Master Sword. "Now, surrender and I won't have to hurt you."

Link smirks at her. "I thought you figured out the last time we met that I won't go down that easily."

Suddenly, Linda remembers a tiny detail she wants to clear up. "Your name's Link, right?"

Dark Link, who has finally woken up, nods. "Link's _only_ the most well-known character in the Legend of Zelda series, with mobs of fangirls chasing him down every day. Of course he's Link!"

Linda glances at him. "Shut up." She steps towards her adversary, ready to fight. "This time, I won't lose."

Link blinks. "That's so cliché... ah well."

The two swords clash, each trying every trick in the book, and the other either dodging it or blocking it. This continues for a solid ten minutes with neither of them backing down. Suddenly, Link brings his sword down hard. Linda slips behind Link in one fluid motion. She reaches around and elbows him in the chest, tripping him over one leg. He falls over backwards and lands on his back, then looks up to see Linda aiming a Dark Arrow at his chest at point-blank range, grinning wickedly. They both stare into each other's deep blue eyes, daring the other to make a move.

Dark Link shifts uncomfortably. "Um, guys? Could you hurry up so I can get out of these ropes? They itch like crazy!"

Slowly, Linda lowers her bow and arrow. She takes a few steps back, her gaze still fixed on Link's eyes. As Link stands up, Linda disappears, Sheikah-style.

Dark Link shouts, "What was that all about?"

"Must be my looks," Link says smugly, taking on one of those 'I'm the best' poses.

"Yeah, right. Whoa- LOOK OUT!"

A sword presses itself slightly into Link's neck. Link grabs the blade to prevent it from digging in further, and he hears Linda's voice behind him.

"Did you really think I was going to leave you like that? I only realized an opponent like you deserves a better death," she hisses as she presses the sword harder against the neck.

Link grunts a little as the blade threatens ever more to cut his throat in two. He reaches down with one hand and grabs for a certain mask, but it is not there. '_What? But... I could've sworn that I had it when I left Hyrule! I hope I didn't lose it... Ah-ha! Alternative plan!'_

Linda nearly avoids hitting herself as the sword loses the resistance it used to have. Link seems to have disappeared into thin air. Linda looks around, then feels her tunic getting tugged from below. She glances down and sees a Deku Scrub. "What the (beep)!"

Link removes the mask and replaces it with the Goron Mask. He grins evilly. "C'mere and give me a big Goron hug!"

Linda suddenly runs behind the tree, hoping that Link... or whoever he is... won't come after her. She begins to think rapidly. '_How can Link change into a Goron using only that mask I saw? Does that mean the other mask I stole... does it transform the user as well into something? But what?'_

Link decides to have a little fun. "Get over here, missy!" He walks over and pulls the tree out, roots, prisoner, and all, then watches as Linda runs again. Link laughs heartily as he jerks off the mask, returning to his usual Hylian self. Feeling thirsty, he whips out the bottle of Go-Go Milk and downs half of it without thinking. "Ahhh! _Obey your thirst!_"

Linda, meanwhile, is leaning on her sword in one corner of the room, attempting to sort her thoughts and come up with a new plan. Why hadn't she fired the arrow in the first place? Something about his eyes... She hears a yell and looks in the direction of Link.

"Wheeeeeeeeeee!" Suddenly, Link is filled with excess energy, and he runs in random directions, trying to wear it off. He spots Linda and takes a wide turn towards her, swinging his sword with a wild whoop of excitement. Landing a hit with every pass, Link continues his energy-filled rampage, not allowing Linda to anticipate and block his moves. Eventually the woman slumps to the ground.

Link finally relieves the wild energy surge before heading back to where Linda lays unmoving. "Are you okay?" He is answered by an uppercut. He catches the next punch and tosses her.

Linda stands up slowly, anger flashing in her eyes. She pulls out a replica of the Ocarina of Time and begins to play a very familiar tune.

Link's eyes widen. "How the heck? Oh wait... you Lorulians stole everything from Hyrule."

Linda, now fully healed, lunges forward, as does Link. Swords slice the air rapidly. Fatigue attempts to slow down the two look-alikes without success. Every attempt by one to hit the other is either blocked or dodged in such a way that the entire fight looks like an intricate dance. Linda backs Link into a corner of the room, where Link manages to trap Linda's sword beneath his own against the wall. He wrenches it out of her hand and forces her into the corner.

"I'm trying to go home and you keep getting in the way! Now _leave me alone!_" shouts Link before dropping his doppleganger's weapon and heading out of the exit, which has appeared sometime during the battle. Linda tries to blink back her surprise.

Link enters the boss room of the Water Temple, exhausted. He is not in the mood to play around with some random boss, whoever it may be. He notices the puny King Dodongo and nearly laughs. This little guy, guarding the worst of all Temples? Link grabs an innocent Pikachu, stuffs it with the remainder of the Go-Go Milk, and lets it do the job for him. Afterwards, it is only a matter of destroying the crazed mouse. The lava cools and the Water Medallion sits in the middle, waiting.

"_Finally_," Link says in exasperation. He desperately wants to go home and give Zelda a beating she will never forget, princess or not. Quickly, our beloved Hero of Time exits the temple and surfaces, only to be attacked by his deranged fairy.

"THERE YOU ARE! WHEN I AM THROUGH WITH YOU, YOU'LL WISH YOU'D NEVER- MMPH MMPH MMMMMMPH!" she shouts, having been muffled by the bottle which used to hold Go-Go Milk. Everything blackens around her as she is placed back into Link's item pouch.

"Stay in there," Link commands unnecessarily. He strides to Epona and mounts upon her, thinking, '_Hmm, so there's a Light Temple? Where the heck can it be?'_

- - -

Ganondorf silently steps into Sheikah Valley. The wind kicks up some sand, but that is only a minor nuisance to one born and raised in the desert. There are Sheikah guards posted around the Fortress now.

'_They are not taking any more chances. It does not matter; the Spirit Temple does not lie here.'_

He feels a pinprick of homesickness. This place is so similar, yet so different from his home. Ganondorf remembers the time when he learned about this cursed place.

-Flashback!-

Ganondorf had finally broken free of the Sages' seal. Having returned to Gerudo Valley, he knew the next step was to figure out a bigger, better plan to take over Hyrule. Unfortunately, his mothers were in the way.

"Ganny, you're home!" shouted Kotake as she hugged him.

Koume does the same. "We missed you soooo much!"

Ganondorf brushed them off. "I see you two are still as annoyingly loving as usual." He began to head for his room when they stopped him again.

"Hey, Ganny, we've been researching!" Koume chirped happily.

Kotake added, "About Hyrule's past."

Ganondorf huffed, "What about it?"

Koume tried to look intelligent. "Our sources indicate that Hyrule was once a much larger country."

"Yes, and the civil war split it into two! So the one we're living in is only half of what Hyrule used to be," Kotake stated.

"And there has to be a twin to Hyrule bordering here!"

"Or at least, that's what our sources say."

One of Ganondorf's eyebrows rose. "And your sources are...?"

The two witches chorused, "Our cauldrons, of course!"

"You know how unreliable those things are."

"Yes, but Ganny, imagine the possibilities if the other half is identical to this one!" said one of them.

Ganondorf did imagine what could be in store: another beating from another Hero of Time. "There would be a version of Link."

The same witch, whichever one she was, shouted, "That's the good part! Our sources show there is no Hero of Time there!"

Now Ganondorf could imagine a different picture. Without a heroic pest, he could take control of the other Hyrule and use the population to help overtake this Hyrule. The two together would be quite an empire. "So in which direction does this twin lie?"

Koume and Kotake swung their arms and pointed in the same direction. "That-a-way!"

Ganondorf smirked. "That's the first time you two agreed upon something. Let's go." He flew up and out in that direction, closely followed by his mothers on broomsticks.

-End Flashback!-

Ganondorf chuckles at the memory. "This is what I deserve for believing those two old hags. Here in Lorule, there is no Hero of Time... but there is another Link." He swiftly heads over to the Desert Colossus. Atop one of the hands, he spots a certain Sheikah leader. '_Oh, this is going to be fun.'_

The Sheikah flips off of the Spirit Temple's hand, landing on the sand perfectly. Ganondorf and Shiek face off, eyeing each other maliciously. The King of Evil holds out one hand.

"Give me the Spirit Medallion and I might let you live."

Sheik narrows his eyes at the absurd threat. "When Zora's Domain freezes over!"

"Already done." Ganondorf swiftly reaches forward and closes his fist around Shiek's neck, lifting him into the air easily. The Sheikah quickly counters by swinging his feet with all his might into the Gerudo's face. Ganondorf staggers back, having not expected that, before he is barraged by attacks one right after another. Sheik nearly claims victory before a sandstorm overtakes them.

The sand swirls about the two, and Sheik throws his arms up, trying to block it from his eyes. An invisible hand strikes him, then another, and another. There is no possible way Sheik can predict where the next hit would come from, since his attacker keeps moving about in no definite pattern. A kick sends him flying into the sand, and he stays down.

"That was far too easy," Ganondorf mutters. "Shows how creative the authoress can be when she doesn't ask someone else to write fights for her."

Sheik nods. "Yes, very uncreative."

...They're all against me. The medallion sits half-buried in the sand between the two. Sheik reaches for it, but Ganondorf snatches it first. "I was raised inthe desert better than you, obviously. I can see through that little dust cloud." He pockets it and leaves for the Shadow Temple, wondering if life could get any easier.

- - -

Kiyoshi: Yes, I know. This wasn't as great as it could've been. But hey, there's only two more medallions to go! I believe there are only three chapters left. Stay tuned.

Pikachu Death Count: 25


	14. Light and Shadow

Note: I would like to emphasize at this point that I do not support any Link pairings with anybody. I prefer Link to stay single. If he absolutely must go with someone, I would say Ruto is the best choice, hands down. I especially hate OC pairings with Link (unless they are very, very, very well-written original characters), so don't expect Linda to have a romantic relationship with him. Sorry to all you Link/Linda fans.

Disclaimer: Go back to Chapter 1 to see my disclaimer...

**Chapter 14 – Light and Shadow**

Link rides Epona back to the marketplace, since he has no clue where the Light Temple could be, though he could've asked Rauru in the first place. Link leaps off of Epona in a half-hearted attempt to impress the audience and trudges through the demolished marketplace, past the warring lovers, and into the Temple of Destiny. He finds Rauru on a stationary exercise bike, reading a book on dieting.

"Oh hello, Link! I thought you were going to the Light Temple," Rauru greets without looking up from his book.

"After you tell me where it is, I will," Link replies in monotone. He is still extremely tired of Lorule. '_The sooner I get out of here, the better._'

"It's near to Life Mountain."

Link blinks, since that is a very vague description. "Where?"

"Somewhere in Kakariko. I can't for the life of me remember the exact location, though."

"Okay, gotcha." The Hylian's old injury manifests itself again, causing thinking to be set to second priority. Link presses his fingers onto his temples, trying to massage the pain away. He steps outside of the Temple of Destiny. Just then, the sky opens up and begins to pour. All Link can do is stand there and stare upwards.

"Just my luck," he mutters before continuing through the marketplace and out into Hyrule Field, where he realizes Epona is missing. He sighs and plays Epona's Song. When the mare doesn't appear after the tune is played three times, Link groans loudly. Lightning flashes across the sky.

"Great. A thunderstorm, a hidden Light Temple, and no Epona. Why are the goddesses so cruel?" he muses aloud, speaking to nobody in particular. Of course, the Lorulian goddesses couldn't care less about the Hylian, since Lorule and Hyrule are not on good terms, but Link is not in the mood to think about that.

The Hero of Time stands there, getting soaking wet, partly because he can't remember what he is supposed to do. Finally, a strange person all in yellow appears on the horizon and approaches rapidly. Link squints and tries to make out who this mysterious being is, but gives up after a short while and allows him or her to come.

"Link, what are you doing here, out in this horrid rain? You might catch a cold!" shouts Ruto.

"I don't remember," he says automatically. His mind slowly registers that Ruto is wearing a huge yellow raincoat and rather large boots, concealing her attractive figure. '_Thank you, goddesses! They are kind after all!'_

Ruto hugs her coat tighter around her. "How about you come with me?" she suggests with a wink. "I'm going someplace special where you'll be nice and dry."

Link grins slightly. "Sure thing." He holds out his hand for Ruto, who grabs hold of it and leads the way into Kakariko Village, into the graveyard, and up a ramp to a cavern lit by many torches. She leads him inside, where they encounter two immense golden doors. Ruto releases Link and knocks on one of them, then stands there patiently.

Link's headache subsides just enough to allow a little brain function. '_Wait, what if she's leading me into a trap? Where are we in the first place! I might never get home...'_ He turns around and is about to run when he hears the door slide open heavily.

"Ah, hello, Princess Ruto!" booms a voice Link cannot recognize. The hero spins again and widens his eyes as he witnesses a Stalfos standing in the doorway.

"Hello. I brought a date this time!" Ruto answers cheerily.

"Let me get that coat for you, miss. I hope you and your date have a great time here," the Stalfos says, taking Ruto's raincoat off. Link smiles widely upon seeing Ruto, instantly forgetting his previous fear.

"Thank you." The Zora princess looks back at Link. "Hey, come on! The entrance is this way!" She snatches his hand and pulls him inside.

Lights of multiple colors flash everywhere and music plays loudly as people of all species, ages, and sizes dance on the dance floor. A juice bar sits to the left of it, and a buffet table stretches on the opposite side. Tables are everywhere, with even more people sitting in them, chatting up a storm. Ruto leads Link to the juice bar, where they sit down.

"So what'll it be?" asks a Gerudo from behind the counter.

"The usual," says Ruto automatically. Link takes a moment to regain his train of thought.

"Aren't you Impa?" Link asks the bartender a second before knowing the answer.

"Yes, actually I am. This is my part-time job," answers Impa as he pours Ruto her drink.

"What about the prince?"

Impa stops pouring for a second and looks at Link. "What about him? The pay stinks and I need this job just to get by."

Link shakes his head a little, reminding himself that he is still in this nightmare country called Lorule. Noticing that he hasn't ordered anything, Link smiles a little and asks, "Got milk?"

"The best GoGo Milk around! May I recommend the Chateau Cremia?"

"Sure, that sounds great," Link says with a nod. He receives his drink and downs it quickly, slamming down the glass and ordering another. Ruto gets up, going somewhere else, and another Zora sits down in her place.

"You with Ruto? You're lucky, man," greets this new Zora. He blinks in surprise. "You're not Linda, are you?"

"Nah, I'm Link, the Hero of Time."

The Zora lights up in recognition. "Link! What are _you_ doing in Lorule, of all places? Zelda's been getting worried about you!"

Link stares at the fish-person beside him in surprise. "You... know me? Then you're from..."

"Hyrule, of course! Man, Link, wait 'til the Princess hears about this!"

"Why didn't you tell anyone about Lorule! Do you know the way home?" Link jumps up in excitement, happy for the opportunity to return to his beloved country of Hyrule.

"Whoa, calm down, dude. I think you've had a little too much Chateau Cremia. Nobody I told would believe me, so I gave up after a while. The path I take is wholly underwater. You'd have to be a Zora to get through."

The news deflate Link like a popped balloon. He sits down again and slumps onto the counter, head nestled in his arms. "I wanna go home... I don't want to stay here any second longer..."

The Zora gives Link a pat on the back. "Cheer up. There's got to be another route. Do you know a way?"

"Yeah. I've gotta collect one more medallion and head over to Death Mountain." Link's head shoots up, having remembered his original mission. "Do you know where the Light Temple is?"

The Zora stares at Link a moment, then begins to chuckle, then laugh loudly. "You're- hahaha, you're sitting in it, boy!" He sweeps his arms about, as if to encompass the entire room. "Welcome to the Light Temple Disco, Link, the best place to be in both Hyrule _and_ Lorule!"

Our hero can barely believe what he is hearing. The Light Medallion is somewhere here, in the midst of all the music and lights and dancing? "Where can I find the boss?"

"Bongo Bongo is the DJ. He's in that room over there," says the Zora as he points out a particular door.

"Thanks, man. I owe you one."

"Hey, you saved Hyrule, then Termina, where my family is. I'm returning the favor."

Link heads to the door, glad to be away from Ruto. He knocks a little, waits a bit, then knocks harder. A booming voice calls, "Come in, you don't have to knock!"

Link enters the brightly lit room, where Bongo Bongo is drumming away in time with the music. The voice, which comes from the DJ's direction, shouts over the noise, "You wish to say something to me? Speak up, I have all day!"

"You have the Light Medallion, correct? Can I have it?" Link asks, then shouts when Bongo Bongo doesn't respond.

"Oh, that? Sure thing. Grab it." The golden disc lands square in the middle of the drum being beaten.

Link leaps upon the drum, loses his balance, and bounces a while as he attempts to slip on his Iron Boots. When he accomplishes that task, he avoids Bongo Bongo's hands and snatches his prize. Holding it aloft, a little text box appears.

"_Link got the Light Medallion! Now he has all three medallions. Go find Ganondorf!"_

With a wild shout of joy, Link springs off the drum and runs back into the main room as quickly as he can... considering that he still has the Iron Boots on. He heads to the doors and nearly throws them open when they explode, flinging the Kokiri and five Pikachu across the room. Everyone drops what they are doing and turn to stare at the doors and the person standing in the midst of the quickly settling smoke.

"GANONDORF!" shouts the entire crowd in unison.

The King of Evil scans the room, trying to make out what in the world this place is. He's had enough of Lorule and its crazed flips. Here is supposed to be the Shadow Temple. Ganondorf is very sure of that. Yet this _isn't_ the Shadow Temple. Or maybe it is, and Lorule's version is so screwed that everything has become happy and fun. No matter. What he seeks should be here.

Ganondorf strides forward only to be blocked by an angry Gerudo. "Who do you think you are, blowing the doors to pieces? Didn't your momma ever tell you to knock!"

Ganondorf smirks. "My momma is dead. And my adopted moms are idiots that teach me absolutely nothing. Get out of my way."

The Gerudo, Impa, is relentless in staying in front of the sorceror. "What do you want?"

"The Shadow Medallion, of course. It's hidden here, and I aim to find it."

"You mean this?" Impa holds up the purple disc. "If you wanted it so badly, why didn't you ask? You don't have to crash into the Light Temple Disco to get it."

Ganondorf merely stares at Impa, speechless for a minute. He clears his throat, then snaps up the medallion. "This is the Light Temple?"

"Of course. There is no Shadow Temple in Lorule. I'm Impa, the holder of the Shadow Medallion which you now possess."

"Impa?" Ganondorf steps back, still dazed by the strangeness of the situation. No Shadow Temple... and Impa is a Gerudo boy... and he handed over the medallion without question...

Link groans from his position on the floor across the room. He had flown headfirst into the wall, and now his head is flooded with pain. Link stands shakily, leaning against the wall for support. He tries to make out the fuzzy shapes in front of his eyes when one of them moves towards him, and Ganondorf's voice calls out.

"Link, there you are. You shouldn't be dozing off in the middle of this mission! Let's get back to Death Mountain and get whatever it is we're supposed to get with these medallions." Ganondorf drags Link to his feet, then pulls him out into sunshine.

The Hero of Time squints up into the bright day andsmiles a little. "Looks like things are looking up after all." He leans heavily onto Ganondorf, and the two make their way out of the graveyard and towards Life Mountain.

- - -

Linda stares at the mask for the umpteenth time, then sighs in frustration. Sheik has lost the Spirit Medallion, and reports indicate that all of the medallions have been collected. In fact, Link and Ganondorf are headed towards Life Mountain right now.

Linda turns the mask over, one thought running through her mind: '_It wouldn't hurt to try, would it?_'

- - -

Pikachu Death Count: 30


	15. Biggoron's BIG Gift

Note: There is a lot of dialogue in this chapter. This can be partially blamed on the fact that this entire fic is based on the original written in script format. The other part to be blamed? The fact that I like making Link and Ganondorf argue over the stupidest things!

SecondNote: **MERRY CHRISTMAS!**

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1. I don't own the game Rock, Paper, Scissors; Happy Meals; Hollywood; Velcro; the magical, invisible Hylian pouch; this fanfic... oh wait, that's mine...

**Chapter 15 – Biggoron's BIG Gift**

Anju looks up as Ganondorf and Link pass by. She cackles a little and says loudly, "Sure is nice to have friends you can rely on, eh? Heh heh heh..."

Ganondorf twitches at the comment, glares at Link, and pushes the Hylian away from him. "Stay three feet away from me and I might show you mercy."

Link, injury still pounding away, blinks a little. "Doesn't three feet equal one yard?"

The sorceror's right eye twitches slightly. "Whichever you prefer; it doesn't matter to me."

"But... but..."

"But _what!_"

"I'm hungry."

The eye twitches a little more. "You've been here maybe two days and you are hungry _now?_"

"Two days? Felt like longer."

Ganondorf turns his back on his enemy and resumes walking. "Just do me a favor and shut up."

"But I didn't say anything," Link whines as he stands up shakily. "All I want is a Happy Meal."

Ganondorf keeps walking.

"Hey! We're supposed to be a team, right? Shouldn't you help me out!" shouts the Kokiri as he walks unsteadily after Ganondorf, trying desperately to keep pace.

Ganondorf stops at the gate to Life Mountain Trail. "Who says? I can do whatever I want. I don't have to listen to you."

"Why not?"

"Because," answers Ganondorf as he spins around dramatically. "I am the _King of Evil!_" Thunder and lightning flash in the background.

Link scoffs and draws himself up in his own pose. "Well, I'm the _Hero of Time!_" Crickets chirp.

The Gerudo flinches a little. "I can't say I'm the King of Evil anymore without somebody coming up and reminding me of my defeat at your grubby little hands!"

A smile stretches across Link's face. "Because, pal, Hero of Time beats King of Evil." He holds out a fist and two fingers, forming a rock and scissors.

Ganondorf quirks up an eyebrow, deciding to play along. "Alright, what beats Hero of Time?"

The scissors becomes an open hand, representing paper. "Scary Fish-Lady!" The 'rock' becomes 'scissors.' "And King of Evil beats Scary Fish-Lady!"

Ganondorf tries to comprehend what Link is saying. So his weakness is...?

"There you are, Linky!" shouts Ruto from behind the two of them, startling both men.

"RUN!" screams Link as he dashes up the trail, closely followed by Ganondorf. Ruto snaps her fingers and leaves, grumbling about not being appreciated anymore. The two Hylians run a little ways up the trail before Ganondorf snatches Link's shoulder and stops him.

"She's gone, Link. Besides, I thought you said King of Evil beats Scary Fish-Lady."

"_You_ were the one who had to prove it!" Link snaps irritably.

Ganondorf withdraws his hand in surprise at the sudden change in mood. He looks up the trail and steps aside. "A rock is coming."

Link poses again. "Puny rocks don't scare m- OWWWW!"

Ganondorf kneels next to Link's flattened form and tsks. "Always the idiot."

Muffled by the ground, Link answers, "Not always."

"I say always, and what I say, goes."

"Who cares what you say?"

Ganondorf's eye twitches again. "_I_ care about what I say!" he shouts.

Link pushes himself off of the ground and brushes himself off. "You don't count."

The Gerudo tries to fight down his rising temper. He needs to get back with his original plan. "So, what will we do if we find Linda again?"

Link scoffs at the name. "I can take care of her."

"We need to get rid of her once and for all."

"Alrighty then, I use my sword and you use your magic and she's gone!"

"Wow, Link, that was real smart. Thought out and everything," Ganondorf replies sarcastically.

The pointy-eared Hylian smiles idiotically. "I know! I'm smart!"

"Link," says the dark sorceror, deadpan. "That was sarcasm."

They glare at each other silently for a few seconds. Link is the first to break it. "You know what? I really, really hate you."

Ganondorf smirks wickedly in response. "And I really, really, really, down-to-the-bottom-of-my-deep-black-heart hate _you _even more than you hate me!"

Link brain struggles to keep up under the pain still being inflicted by the head wound. "Why don't you push up daisies?"

"Why don't you kick the bucket?"

"How about you visit your father?"

Ganondorf bites back the automatic "My father's dead, you twit," and asks instead, "Who might that be, then?"

"THE DEVIL!" Link bursts out laughing. "I made a joke!"

"Ooh, I'm so insulted," Ganondorf remarks, the sentence dripping with as much sarcasm as he can stuff into it. "Guess what? Visited him, came back, his place is nice, wanna go?"

"_Really!_" shouts the Hero of Time, blue eyes brightening happily.

"No."

The eyes begin to water. "Why are you so mean to me?"

"I'm mean to everybody, that's why!" Suddenly, Ganondorf begins a coughing fit that lasts a while, leaving Link to draw in the dirt. When the coughs subside, the Gerudo turns his furious gaze on the Hylian. He speaks in a low tone, trying not to raise his voice again. "Look at what you've done. Now my throat is sore."

Link looks up from his squiggly drawing of a Pichu and smiles. "Want a drink?"

"No, I d-!" shouts Ganondorf before coughing a few more times. "Alright, maybe I do."

The Kokiri is already rooting through his item pouch. "Have some Go-Go Milk!" He presents the bottle, which still contains a certain very angry fairy.

"Link, I swear, when I get out of here, I'll-!_" _Navi's sentence is cut off when she is hastily returned to the pouch.

"Wrong bottle," Link says apologetically. He withdraws a second bottle. "Here, drink some water instead."

"Give me that!" Hacking, Ganondorf snatches the bottle and drinks thirstily from it. He downs the entire thing and sighs in contentment. "Thanks," he says without a second thought.

"Don't mention it. I drank from it back in Chapter Eight anyway!" said Link happily.

The comment is the last straw for Ganondorf. "You _what_!" he roars, crushing the bottle in his hand. He lunges for his enemy's throat. "Link, I'm gonna _throttle you with my bare hands!_"

Everyone knows that humans have some sort of fight-or-flight instinct. The same can be said for Hylians. Normally, Link would have chosen fight, but in his pain-stricken state, he dashes up the mountain in a desperate attempt to stay alive. This isn't because he is afraid of Ganondorf. No, it isn't. Actually, he is running because Link is frightened by the sudden movement.

A random Goron sitting along the trail rubs his stomach thoughtfully. "I'm hungry."

Link runs past, screaming bloody murder. Ganondorf stampedes after him.

"Wow, what service," says the Goron admirably. "Fast food!"

Link dodges the falling rocks deftly, then scrambles frantically up the wall at the end. He shouts, "I'm sorry!"

Ganondorf merely storms through the falling rocks, not flinching when one slams down square on his head. His eyes are locked on the enemy, _his_ enemy, the only person standing in the way of the domination of Hyrule. He growls back, "If you stop, I'll crush you quicker!"

Link makes it over the top and rushes to Biggoron, who has heard them coming. "HELP ME!"

Biggoron blinks several times, then spots Ganondorf. "Ooh, a delicious-looking soft thing."

Ganondorf glares at the oversized Goron. "Don't you think about it, chunky!"

Biggoron doesn't flinch at the name-calling. He grins toothily. "So which of you have the six medallions? That _is_ what you came all the way up here for, isn't it?"

Link jumps up and down. "I do! I do!" He produces the requested discs and waves them above his head in a childish manner.

Ganondorf merely stares at him. "Where did Link's IQ go?" he mutters more to himself than to anyone else, but Link hears him anyway.

"Down the well!"

Biggoron holds out one hand, in which Link lays the six medallions. He withdraws that hand, and holds out the other. "Here you go. In exchange, I give you a powerful gift. It is huge, so you won't be able to hold it with only one hand."

Link snatches it eagerly, overjoyed by the idea of getting a new, sharp toy to play with. Another text box appears.

"_Link receives the Biggoron... DAGGERS!"_

Ganondorf's jaw drops. "You call those big? They're puny!"

Biggoron leans over and squints at the little weapons. "Looks big to me."

"You've got eye problems!" Ganondorf shouts, then he notices something. "Wait, isn't Lorule supposed to be a flip of Hyrule? Then why aren't you tiny?"

"Oh, I'm actually Medigoron. Biggoron is taking a lunch break, and he told me to look after his weapon shop for him while he's gone."

Link grabs Ganondorf's arm, tugging his 'friend' along. "We've taken up enough of Mr. Medigoron's time, Ganny! Come along," he says in a surprisingly intelligent manner.

"Aren't you stupid?" Ganondorf asks in confusion, temporarily overlooking the fact that Link called him by the hated nickname.

"You liked my acting? Think I can become a star in Hollywood?"

Ganondorf sighs, deciding not to bother Link with the fact that Hollywood is on another planet. Doing that might bring on a headache.

- - -

Link and Ganondorf sit just outside of Kakariko Village, near to the river of lava. Technically, the latter is the one sitting. The former is testing out his new daggers on an imaginary enemy. Of course, one cannot assess the true strength of a weapon on a non-existant creature, but how is Ganondorf supposed to tell Link that?

'_That's it, I've had enough of his stupidity,_' Ganondorf thinks to himself. He rises and walks towards Link menacingly. The Hero of Time senses the other's approach and spins on one heel, automatically lashing out with a dagger. Ganondorf snatches the Hylian's wrist and twists him around enough to snatch the Ocarina of Time. Jumping back, he plays it surprisingly well.

The blanket of pain that has been forcing Link to become dumber than a rock lifts, and his head injuries disappear. Link drops the daggers and grabs his head. "Owwww... what happened?"

Ganondorf huffs and tosses the ocarina back to its owner. "I played the Song of Healing. I figured it would remove whatever is causing your idiocy."

"You can play the ocarina?" asks Link in amazement as he scoops it up and places it back into his item pouch.

Ganondorf crosses his arms. "I've heard you play the stupid thing so many times, I know every song in your repertoire!"

"Ooh, big word... must try understanding..." Link says in a daze. He falls back onto his behind, then looks at the daggers he dropped. Picking them up, he pockets them. "These might come in handy someday. Maybe not in this fic, but somewhere else."

(A/N: Gasp! Foreshadowing!)

Ganondorf sits down as well, rubbing his temples. There is only one thing he needs to know to make sure his plan will not fail. "Link, do you have the mask?"

"Which one?"

"That freaky-looking one. The one you defeated Majora with."

A lightbulb turns on over Link's head, then fizzles out. Link mentally notes to order a replacement lightbulb. "You mean the Fierce Diety mask! I have it here... somewhere..." He begins rooting through his item pouch for the mask in question.

Ganondorf waits patiently for the equivalent of a Hylian hour (30 seconds in our time), then quits being so patient. "Where is it, Link?" he growls dangerously.

"Can't... find it..." Link says as he dives deeper into the pouch. Frustrated, he begins throwing items out of it, occasionally hitting Ganondorf with them. The Gerudo finally stands after being hit with the Longshot.

"You don't have it, do you?" asks Ganondorf in a very disturbingly calm manner.

Link sits back, panting. He overturns the pouch and shakes it, producing the last thing in it: the bottle holding Navi. Shaking it a bit more, Link sighs. "No, I guess not. But I could've sworn I had it when I came here!"

Ganondorf's eye twitches. "So someone stole it. And if Linda is the one who stole it, we're in deep trouble."

Link shakes his head. "Nuh-uh. Only I can use it. The mask is set for my body and face."

"Linda is technically the same person as you, so she can use it too, stupid!" Ganondorf shouts in anger. "For the love of Din, you've lost the most powerful weapon ever to the _enemy!_ I ought to kill you where you are right now!"

Link holds up his hands defensively. "Hey, how should I know? Really, I think you're taking this to the extreme! She probably sold it to someone else, like any Gerudo would do."

Ganondorf tries to think over his old plan. Without the Fierce Diety Mask, destroying Linda would be a little harder, even more so if _she_ has the mask. Worse, she could put it on and make the chances of killing her very, very low. He mumbles, "We need something else."

Link stands up, then picks up the Sword of Destiny where it lies on the grass. He stands in front of Ganondorf, who stands as well, and presents him the blade. "Take this. It may come in use someday."

"Oh, cut the crap, Link! You read ahead in the script, didn't you!" accuses Ganondorf even as he accepts the weapon.

Link nearly says no, but Navi's voice in his head reminds him that lying is bad. "...Okay, so I read ahead a little. Just some of the ending."

"Link, if this thing turns out to be worthless, you'll die by it."

"Trust me, you'll like what it can do!"

"You're giving me a bad feeling about it."

Link smiles widely. "Don't worry, be happy!"

Ganondorf leaps over the river of lava. "Let's go to Sheikah Valley. I have a hunch we should go there."

Link collects his items and puts them back into his pouch. His shield falls off of his back. "Aww, man, Velcro isn't as good as it used to be..." He sticks it back on, then looks at Ganondorf. "That ain't no hunch. You read ahead too, didn't you?"

(A/N: The Velcro idea is courtesy LunaRyuu, along with the invisible, magical Hylian item pouch.)

Ganondorf holds up the script, which is the original version of this fanfic. "That's what it's here for, right?" He puts it back into his pocket. "Now, let's go."

Link backs up, looking like he is about to do something very stupid. He runs forward, shouting "COWABUNGA!" as he jumps. The leap falls short, however.

Fortunately, Ganondorf snatches the Hero of Time before he could touch the lava. The King of Evil throws Link to the ground beside him in disgust. "You really thought you could hop over the river like I did?"

Link nods. "If you can do it, I can do better!"

Ganondorf smirks. "Riiiight. Come on." He lifts Link off the ground and sets him to his feet. They make their way to Sheikah Valley, carefully avoiding GoGo Ranch while doing so. In the valley, Sheikah are running everywhere, panicking about something. Even a Pikachu is running about until it is run over by frightened people. Ganondorf nabs a random Sheikah and glares him down. "What the (beep) is going on here!"

"I-It's Linda! She's gone nuts!" cries the dude before he breaks down. "Don't kill me!"

Ganondorf tosses him aside. "Useless."

"What is he talking about?" asks Link just when a wall of the fortress explodes.

- - -

Pikachu Death Count: 31


	16. Destiny's End

Note: Short fight coming up, but that's because I rushed to get to the funny parts.

Second Note: Lots of seriousness at the beginning, slowly becoming more humorous towards the end. Expect it.

Disclaimer: See Ch1.

**Chapter 16 – Destiny's End**

Linda steps out from within the quickly settling dust created by the explosion. Her once-blonde bangs are white, and her eyes are blank. She carries a black double-helix sword. Obviously, Linda is not herself.

"Hey, she looks like what I look like when I wear the Fierce Diety mask," observes Link in a sudden blonde moment.

"Of course, you dolt!" Ganondorf tugs Link to one side as a laser is shot in their direction. They run into the fortress, escaping Oni Linda's wrath for now.

Link shouts, "But the sword's black! It's not supposed to be that way!"

"It's probably affected by Linda's dark powers. That's the only explanation." Ganondorf spots Sheik up ahead, signaling to them. The Gerudo king jerks Link off their path and into the room. "What do _you_ want?"

"Linda's crazy, and we need to stop her!" Sheik blurts out immediately.

"That was obvious," Ganondorf mutters.

Link smirks. "She just put on a super-powerful mask, that's all. We get it off of her and she'll be alright."

"It is more than just that, Link," Ganondorf says sternly. "You have 'inner goodness' and she does not. You can control the mask enough to not go on a rampage. She obviously cannot. Getting the mask off will be significantly more challenging than you think."

"Well then, change into that pig thing I defeated before."

"Ganon? If I could, I would've done so and killed both you and Linda already."

"What do you mean?"

"I've tried transforming into Ganon before. Evidently, Linda has Lorule's version of the Triforce of Power," Ganondorf says calmly.

"Uniforce," Sheik interjects. "It's called a Uniforce. She's actually got two: Power and Courage. The third, Wisdom, is mine." He holds up one hand to demonstrate his point. "You two have the Hylian Triforces of Power and Courage, and that can be a problem. Both of our country's Triforces cancel each other out."

Link asks, "And how would you know?"

"As I have said, I have Wisdom. Of course I know, in the same way I know you two are from Hyrule. The legend states that in our time of greatest need, the Destined One from the ancient country of Hyrule will rise up and vanquish the evil with the Sword of Destiny. Which of you has it?" Sheik is already looking at Ganondorf, who takes it out.

Ganondorf sneers at it. "It's rusted. No good whatsoever."

Sheik begins to say something when Oni Linda smashes through the wall. She snarls and leaps for Link, who quickly ducks out of the way. In a furious rage, Linda turns towards Sheik and swings her sword. Link and Ganondorf make their way out of the room before hearing Sheik's final cry of pain.

Link makes a 180-degree turn and runs back into the room, only to be thrown out. Oni Linda steps towards him, bloodied black sword raised, laughing manaically. Link feels deep, paralyzing fear grip him suddenly, and he cannot command his feet to move. His courage has fled him, and he can't even bring himself to take out his Master Sword. "P-p-please, don't hurt me."

Oni Linda smiles coldly. "To think that you will die while begging for mercy... pity, I thought it would end differently. After you are gone, Lorule will be mine for the taking, and none shall stand in my way, as long as I have this mask." She brings down the sword upon the cowering hero, but is stopped by a second blade blocking her own. "Nani?"

Ganondorf has had enough. Link is _his_ kill, and Lorule and Hyrule are _his_ for the taking. He is _not_ about to be bested by some mask-wearing lunatic. He is not about to let Lorule fall to Linda. Something has to be done, and by the goddesses, he will do it, even if it is the last thing he does.

The Sword of Destiny glows, and the rust falls away, restoring the weapon back to its original radiance. A feeling of power courses through Ganondorf, but it is different from the kind he receives from his Triforce piece. He smirks to himself. '_You know, this feels great...'_

Oni Linda lifts her sword to try a different attack, which is blocked by Ganondorf again. Frustrated, she keeps attacking, but is continuously blocked by the Gerudo.

Meanwhile, Link creeps away to find himself a hole to hide in.

Ganondorf finally sees his chance, and slashes upwards, slicing Oni Linda across the heart. A flash of light emanates from the sword upon contact, and the person who falls back is Linda. The mask lands some distance away, rattling loudly against the silence of the hallway. Ganondorf kneels next to Linda, checks her pulse,and smirks. '_She's dead. Time to enact stage two of my plan.'_

He begins to draw the dark energy Linda possesses to himself, increasing his own strength. With it, he can defeat Link, and take over Hyrule. Now that Linda's gone, Lorule is for up for the taking too. '_A double kingdom. I like the sound of that.'_

Before he can take a significant amount of dark energy, Ganondorf hears a strange sound. It sounds like... cheering? Several Sheikah led by Link run over, snatching up Ganondorf and hauling him away from Linda. They drag him outside, where he confronts a large crowd consisting of practically everybody in Lorule. They all cheer louder upon seeing the Sheikah, Link, and Ganondorf emerge from Sheikah Fortress.

Ganondorf is bewildering. "What is going on?" he inquires loudly.

Link looks at him. "I had run out of the fortress while you were fighting Linda and told some Sheikah what had happened. The news spread like wildfire, and everyone came here to celebrate your victory!"

"Huh? Why!" Ganondorf still cannot comprehend.

One of the Sheikah laughs. "You used the Sword of Destiny! That makes you the Hero of Destiny, hero of all Lorule!"

Ganondorf is shocked. "Me, a hero?" he manages to sputter out before he is attacked by two people.

"Ganny, you're okay!" Koume shouts happily.

"And you saved a country! I didn't know you had it in you!" Kotake chirps.

"Neither did I..." mutters Ganondorf before he shakes everyone off of him. "I'm out of here. This place gives me the creeps." He picks up his two adopted mothers easily with one hand and flies up and away back to Hyrule.

Link watches him go and blinks. "Ganondorf, the King of Evil, is the hero of Lorule. I never would have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes." He turns to walk off, but stops. He doesn't even know where to go now, and how to go back to Hyrule. Actually, Ganondorf had promised to take him home when they first formed the truce! '_That backstabber, should've known he'd go back on his word.'_

A large owl perches on the roof of Sheikah Fortress near to Link. "Hoo."

Link cringes, readying himself for a long and lengthy speech. When none came, he looks up at Kaepora Gaebora. "Well, start talking already! I don't have all day!"

"Hoo."

"Hoo? Is that all you can say?"

"No."

"Well, say something!" Link is becoming aggravated by the silent bird.

"Go home."

"I can't!" Link yells at him. "That's what I've been trying to do this whole fic! Even Epona is gone to goddesses-knows-where!"

"Horse home."

"WHAT? She went home without me? That _traitor!_"

"Go home."

"_How?_"

"Prelude of Light."

"What about it?" Finally, this owl is saying something useful. Link calms down a little.

"Play," Kaepora Gaebora commands. "Hoo." With that, he flies away.

Slowly, Link takes out his ocarina. Confused, he begins to play the Prelude of Light, wondering how in the world it will help him. He feels himself teleport, and he finds himself in a temple. He doesn't jump to conclusions; first, he hightails out of the building and takes a look into the marketplace. Upon seeing Honey and Darling twirling in their usual romantic fashion, he knew he was _home_.

He stops and looks at the ocarina. _'Wait... this is how I got back from Termina in the first place... I had played the Serenade of Water and landed on top of Ruto.'_ He smirks at the memory. _'Had to run a lot after that, but I still came back.'_

He walks out of the marketplace, intent on doing a few things he has in mind. First he goes to LonLon Ranch and finds Epona grazing in the corral.

"Epona!" he shouts as he hugs her. "How did you get here?"

Malon walks over, carrying a basket of carrots. "She showed up, looking really scared. I calmed her down and put her in the corral, and since then she's been happy."

Link pats the mare some more, then smiles. He leaves, heading for his Kokiri treehouse with a slight detour. The first thing he does upon entering his forest home is flop into his bed and fall asleep.

Young Link comes down from upstairs, having heard some noise. He spots Link on the bed and walks over. Poking the adult, Young Link calls, "Dad?" When no response is given, he heads back to his room.

'_I guess he's had a hard time since he left.'_

- - -

Koume walks over to Kotake, a small, round package in hand. She holds it up for her sister to see. "Lookie, a present for Ganny!"

Kotake grabs a piece of paper with writing on it that was attached to the package. "Hey, there's some instructions."

_For Ganondorf, from an ally._

_Unwrap the package carefully and light the candle on top. Give to Ganondorf with a smile._

Koume peers at the paper. "It's his birthday or sumthin'?"

"I guess so. Why don't we do this for Ganny?" Kotake says, snatching the present and unwrapping it extremely slowly. A day later, she is holding something round and black, with something sticking out the top. "I guess this is the candle."

"Ooh, lemme light it!" Koume shouts, and she summons a little flame to appear atop it. They run over to Ganondorf and hold it up with a big, goofy smile.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GANNY!"

_Boom_

- - -

Final Note: A little Koume and Kotake special to top this final chapter off. Thanks to all my reviewers, this fic got more reviews than the original did (49).

Final Pikachu Death Count for Link in Lorule: 31


End file.
